Hey! You, sir! You, ma'am! Do you consider yourself a Michigan fan? You do? Do you consider yourself a real Michigan fan? A die-hard, bleed-maize-and-blue Michigan Man (or Michigan Woman)? You do?
Well, then allow us to ask: When was the last time you physically consumed the Michigan logo?
What's that? You can't even remember when the last time your actual food was emblazoned with Michigan's iconography? You infidel!
You must remedy this situation, and quickly. And here is the only way to do so: Michigan-branded Pop-Tarts.
Here, we will let the sporting world's most notorious niche reporter, Darren Rovell, explain:
Kellogg’s strikes deal to make Pop Tarts with 5 schools logos on them: Arkansas, UNC, Florida, Michigan & Georgia.— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) August 20, 2012
The flavor of choice in all five schools is strawberry, because as IMG College points out, strawberry is the top-selling flavor of Pop-Tarts. They have been optimized for a broad fanbase, to allow all to partake in the glory of logo consumption!
Yes, Michiganders! Consume these pastries! If your breakfast is not branded with the almighty mark of Michigan athletics, it is an abomination!
By eating one of these Michigan Pop-Tarts, the very spirit of Fielding Yost, Bo Schembechler and Elvis Grbac is now within you and becomes one with you. Their thoughts will become your thoughts. Their eyes, your eyes. Their heartbeats, your heartbeats. Their lives, your life.
Come. Join us. Be a Michigan Man.
And eat this Pop-Tart.