Why Kickers Suck

Billy Boob McNutt www.dbbsports.comContributor IFebruary 26, 2009

On a weekend when there were more field goals than touchdowns in the NFL, the Boob thinks it is time to evaluate the place of kickers (both place and punters) in the NFL and college football.

So, over the next few weeks, the Boob will do a 60 Minutes-style expose on kickers (place and punters) breaking down each individual aspect of what they bring (or don’t bring) to the sport.

No one considers kickers (place and punters) real football players. Example 1 is shown above. Example 2 is shown below.

They don’t practice with the rest of the team.

They don’t even warm up with the rest of the team. Most don’t even run from the tunnel with their teammates at the start of the game or halftime. What says outcast more than that.

They don’t know how to throw the ball.

They don’t know how to tackle.

It’s the only position in the sport that has a career expectancy in the double digits. Just look at the ages of the two kickers for the New York Giants: Justin Feagle and John Carney, 42 and 44 respectively, if respect should even be given. This is a man’s game, not an old man’s game. (Below is a photo of Feagle and Carney in their rookie season.)

Kickers (place and punters) hold this archaic position that needs to be rendered to the past like field goals in the front of the end zone. By getting rid of kickers, football would also eliminate all remnants of soccer players from the field, which is something we can only hope for.

The only positive thing I say about kickers today is that at least they no longer wear the single bar facemask. Nothing signaled to the Boob that they were a huge pussies more than sporting the minimum requirement of protection in the most vital area because they rarely get hit.

If kickers were an aspect of football to be retired, the biggest problem for the sport would be there’s absolutely no longer a reason to call it football.

So until next week when the Boob breaks down the necessity or unnecessity for kickers on kickoffs, the Boob says, “Don’t be a Sports Douche!”


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