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The Meter Maid of Football

Billy Boob McNutt www.dbbsports.comContributor IFebruary 26, 2009

It’s the 4th Quarter. Your team is down by five. After coming up with a game changing interception, the once docile crowd has shifted into crazed mass of . With place turned into something out of Mad Max Thunder Dome, the team needs nothing more than the offense to rush the field, capitalize on this avalanche of momentum. But the offense doesn’t. They stand around, waiting. Suddenly, the crowd’s high energy becomes fades. Why? Because there on the fifteen-yard line with his arm raised in some bastardized Nazi salute is the Meter Maid of Football: TV Timeout Guy.

And with bated breath, you wait on the edge of your seat for that arm to drop. But he keeps holding it up, second after second, minute after minute, then to what seems like hours. His arm still raised high. He holds his arm up as long as it takes Family Guy to overkill a joke.

TV Timeout Guy is universally hated, but rarely booed. Booing would be a waste of voice like asking a Metermaid to rip up a ticket once he or she has started writing it. At least when you rain down boos on referees, you hold out the slightest hope they may give you a make up call on the correlation.

Eliminate the position, eliminate the problem, and keep the momentum going.xt play or series. But what can the TV Timeout Guy make up? Nothing. He can’t make up calls. He can’t affect the outcome of the game. All he can do is make the Sports fan irate.

Some TV Timeout Guy apologists might whine, ” Why pick on the guy? He’s just doing his job.” But you know what the Boob screams at them, ” He chose to be TV Timeout Guy! He didn’t have to be! He could be something more productive in society like the shit picker upper of live animal mascots or a Yellow Jacket “Security” Guy! [YJSG is something that will need to be discussed as well in a later column]
the correlation.

Eliminate the position, eliminate the problem, and keep the momentum going.
This “guy” is an unnecessary evil thrown on our fields of glory. You can’t tell the Boob that there’s not technology out there that would allow for this guy not to exist. That little system that the referee has in his ear for announcing their bad calls and readjusting their bad calls with instant replay that could be used to tell the referee to get the players back in their huddles and have the game march on. But Boob, you might ask, doesn’t the referee have more important things? Yes, yes he does. If no Meter Maids existed, I’d say that the police have better things to do than to hand out chicken shit parking tickets. See the correlation.

Eliminate the position, eliminate the problem, and keep the momentum going.


For more, visit (Real Guys Holding Sports Accountable), or if you think A-Rod is innocent, visit <>

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