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Forecasting the SEC: Predictions, Booze Comparisons and a Twitter Synopsis

Adam KramerNational College Football Lead WriterOctober 17, 2016

Forecasting the SEC: Predictions, Booze Comparisons and a Twitter Synopsis

1 of 15

    Six consecutive national championships are impossible to argue against, as much as you would probably like to. Unless you’re an SEC fan, of course, then you will gladly embrace this long stretch of college football dominance. 

    This offseason has been an interesting one for the nation’s elite. Bobby Petrino, Tyrann Mathieu, Isaiah Crowell and others are gone for one reason or another, but plenty of talent remains. In fact, "plenty" really don't do it justice.

    LSU and Alabama are figured to be in the national championship mix once again, Georgia has been given the easiest conference path to the championship game, and a handful of teams are looking to make the jump from talented to contender. There are also the two new guys as well.

    Time for predictions, only we’re doing things slightly differently. You’ve already read the same preview piece 8,920 times on different websites and are in need of something unique. If so, welcome.

    Just like we did with the Big Ten, each SEC team has been given a record, strength, weakness and been compared to an alcohol that accurately encompasses their 2012 squad. A Twitter synopsis has also been included, because summing up a team in 140 characters is telling and also harder than you think.

Alabama

2 of 15

    Predicted Record: 11-1

    Toughest Game: November 3 at LSU

    Don’t Sleep On 'Em Game: October 13 at Missouri

    Biggest Strength: Offensive Line (unfairly good)

    Biggest Weakness: Wide Receiver (in need of more offensive playmakers)

    Breakout Player: T.J. Yeldon, RB

    If They Were an Alcohol They’d Be… Miller High Life. The Champagne of Beers is durable, consistent, and solid for basically any occasion. Sure, it's trendy now, but that doesn't change the satisfaction of holding that magnificent can.

    Season Synopsis in 140 Characters or Less: They lose a lot, but they replace incredible talent with (potentially) incredible talent. What a wonderful luxury to have.

Arkansas

3 of 15

    Predicted Record: 9-3

    Toughest Game: November 23 vs. LSU

    Don’t Sleep On 'Em Game: October 6 at Auburn (second straight SEC road game)

    Biggest Strength: Quarterback

    Biggest Weakness: Front seven (not bad, but talented players must be replaced)

    Breakout Player: Cobi Hamilton, WR

    If They Were an Alcohol They’d Be… Goldschläger. You could very well puke and puke early, or you might just have the best night you’ve ever had. A volatile cocktail with high ceilings can be dangerous, though. Trust me.

    Season Synopsis in 140 Characters or Less: Tyler Wilson, Knile Davis and John L. Smith. I'm not sure this is a championship trio, but I cannot wait to watch. #GYPH (Get Your Piss Hot)

Auburn

4 of 15

    Predicted Record: 7-5

    Toughest Game: November 24 vs. Alabama

    Don’t Sleep On 'Em Game: October 20 at Vanderbilt

    Biggest Strength: Defensive line (underrated unit that highlights underrated D overall)

    Biggest Weakness: Quarterback (through the air or on the ground, they need to find production)

    Breakout Player: Daren Bates, LB

    If They Were an Alcohol They’d Be… Kahula. You’re not quite sure if you love it or hate it, and in all likelihood the drink will be average. Still, you order it hoping that it tastes just as good as that one time after dinner.

    Season Synopsis in 140 Characters or Less: Points, points, points. The defense will be much, much better, but who will score for this team? Week one will be very telling.

Florida

5 of 15

    Predicted Record: 7-5

    Toughest Game: October 6 vs. LSU

    Don’t Sleep On 'Em Game: September 15 at Tennessee

    Biggest Strength: Defensive line (athletic, fast and will be even better when Ronald Powell gets healthy)

    Biggest Weakness: Quarterback

    Breakout Player: Brent Pease, OC (OK, we cheated, but his influence could be huge)

    If They Were an Alcohol They’d Be… Blue Moon. It’s lost some of its luster since the first few times you tried it, but it’s still a very solid drinking option. Not nearly as good as it once was, but perfect with an average burger at your favorite dive.

    Season Synopsis in 140 Characters or Less: The defense could be scary, perhaps the nation's best. The offense is a different story. Fascinating potential if they can find the end zone.

Georgia

6 of 15

    Predicted Record: 11-1

    Toughest Game: October 6 at South Carolina

    Don’t Sleep On 'Em Game: September 8 at Missouri

    Biggest Strength: Their schedule (seriously, send that schedule-maker a bottle of your finest)

    Biggest Weakness: Offensive Line

    Breakout Player: Keith Marshall, RB (depth is a concern, but he could be special)

    If They Were an Alcohol They’d Be… Adult apple cider. It’s damn good, although it’s a very difficult drink to predict and it has packed an unfortunate punch before. One minute you’re asking for the recipe, the next you’re making friends with the lamp.

    Season Synopsis in 140 Characters or Less: The schedule screams 11 wins and a trip to the SEC Championship Game. Anything less and, well… #hotseatgetyourhotseathere

Kentucky

7 of 15

    Predicted Record: 3-9

    Toughest Game: October 13 at Arkansas

    Don’t Sleep On 'Em Game: September 15 at Western Kentucky and, well, pretty much everyone else,

    Biggest Strength: Linemen who can jump off diving boards. Impressive!

    Biggest Weakness: Quarterback (pick an offensive position, and there’s probably truth there)

    Breakout Player: Demarco Robinson, WR

    If They Were an Alcohol They’d Be… Three Wise Men: A shot of Jack, a shot of Jim and a shot of Jose. This should be required before you watch Kentucky football play live.

    Season Synopsis in 140 Characters or Less: For Kentucky basketball, 3-pointers are a good thing. A great thing, even. For Kentucky football… I’m sorry, what were we talking about?

LSU

8 of 15

    Predicted Record: 12-0

    Toughest Game: November 3 vs. Alabama

    Don’t Sleep On 'Em Game: October 13 vs. South Carolina (week after trip to The Swamp)

    Biggest Strength: Pick a strength, any strength. How about…defensive line.

    Biggest Weakness: Secondary

    Breakout Player: Zach Mettenberger, QB (obvious selection, but watch out)

    If They Were an Alcohol They’d Be… An open bar at a wedding (featuring top shelf booze). Few things compare the magnificence of this rare occasion, and these gatherings are unmatched. Oh, you will be drunk and your wife or girlfriend will not be pleased by 10:30 at night.

    Season Synopsis in 140 Characters or Less: Despite key player losses (some to the draft and another more recent) this team is loaded at so many positions. Mettenberger could make them soar.

Mississippi State

9 of 15

    Predicted Record: 6-6

    Toughest Game: November 10 at LSU

    Biggest Strength: Secondary (experienced, athletic and very solid)

    Biggest Weakness: Defensive Line (Losing Fletcher Cox hurts like hell)

    Breakout Player: Deonte Skinner, LB

    If They Were an Alcohol They’d Be… Captain Morgan. There are much better alcohols to be drinking, and yet that guy down at the end of the bar just ordered his fifth. You’re not the only one giving him strange, disapproving looks.

    Season Synopsis in 140 Characters or Less: Thanks to some fun out-of-conference scheduling, the wins will be there. We'll just see about those SEC games...

Missouri

10 of 15

    Predicted Record: 7-5

    Toughest Game: October 13 vs. Alabama

    Don’t Sleep On 'Em Game: November 24 at Texas A&M (bowl eligibility on the line?)

    Biggest Strength: Quarterback (assuming James Franklin is healthy)

    Biggest Weakness: Defensive Line

    Breakout Player: Dorial Green-Beckham, WR (it may take a few games, but he will be a monster)

    If They Were an Alcohol They’d Be… Wild Turkey. You swore off it long ago, yet somehow you keep coming back. There are much better options in this price range, but there’s something about this particular burn that satisfies.

    Season Synopsis in 140 Characters or Less: They should fit in fine, but please just throw it up to Dorial Green-Beckham on a fade. Please. Do it now. Why aren’t you doing it yet?

Ole Miss

11 of 15

    Predicted Record: 3-9

    Toughest Game: The entire road schedule minus Tulane (good lord)

    Don’t Sleep On 'Em Game: Not just one. Outside first few, each week will be a grind.

    Biggest Strength: Wide Receiver

    Biggest Weakness: Both Lines (major questions on each side)

    Breakout Player: Donte Moncrief, WR  

    If They Were an Alcohol They’d Be… Absinthe. December will get here and you’ll be wondering if what you just saw was actually real. I’m not saying that giant bear can’t talk, but maybe you should put that glass down.

    Season Synopsis in 140 Characters or Less: Things will get better for Hugh Freeze’s crew, but not this year. Perhaps the country’s toughest road.

South Carolina

12 of 15

    Predicted Record: 9-3

    Toughest Game: October 13 at LSU

    Don’t Sleep On 'Em Game: August 30 at Vanderbilt

    Biggest Strength: Defensive line (despite the loss of Melvin Ingram, they are still loaded)

    Biggest Weakness: Offensive Line (questions but thankfully their QB is mobile)

    Breakout Player: Shaq Roland, WR

    If They Were an Alcohol They’d Be… Coors Original. Steve Spurrier’s drink of choice is also an ol’ faithful. You won’t be dazzled with the taste, but somehow you’ll look back on your night and not be disappointed with the way things worked out.

    Season Synopsis in 140 Characters or Less: Marcus Lattimore’s knee is so critical to this team’s success, and it would appear that he is healthy again. #LookOutSEC. 

Tennessee

13 of 15

    Predicted Record: 6-6

    Toughest Game: October 20 vs. Alabama

    Don’t Sleep On 'Em Game: November 17 at Vanderbilt

    Biggest Strength: Wide Receiver (two of the best overall talents in the country)

    Biggest Weakness: Running Back (have to improve the YPC)

    Breakout Player: Justin Hunter, WR

    If They Were an Alcohol They’d Be… Johnnie Walker. You’ve had the cheap stuff last time out, and it ended up in a bar urinal. Your drinkable JW options vary, although you're not going pricey just yet. The time isn't right. 

    Season Synopsis in 140 Characters or Less: The offense (barring injuries) has a chance to be special and the defense should be better. Very intriguing team.

Texas A&M

14 of 15

    Predicted Record: 5-7

    Toughest Game: November 10 at Alabama

    Don’t Sleep On 'Em Game: August 30 at Louisiana Tech

    Biggest Strength: Offensive line (one of the best in the country)

    Biggest Weakness: Secondary (very young)

    Breakout Player: Damontre Moore, DE (should thrive there)

    If They Were an Alcohol They’d Be… Tanqueray. Right in the middle of the pack when it comes to drink selection, although a familiar hangover. One minute you're buddy talks you into one, the next you're waking up on a wooden floor cursing gin until the next time (and there will be a next time).

    Season Synopsis in 140 Characters or Less: A new offense and a new conference. There will be bumps adjusting, but this team could poise matchup issues once they're acclimated.

Vanderbilt

15 of 15

    Predicted Record: 6-6

    Toughest Game: September 22 at Georgia

    Don’t Sleep On 'Em Game: September 8 at Northwestern

    Biggest Strength: Running back (should have a potent attack once again)

    Biggest Weakness: Linebacker

    Breakout Player: Zac Stacy, RB (broke out last year, but the nation will know him in 2012)

    If They Were an Alcohol They’d Be… A barrel of backyard red wine. You’re going to try it well before you should and it will not taste good despite what you tell your wife. Eventually, however, time will do wonderful things to this. It’s just not ready yet.

    Season Synopsis in 140 Characters or Less: Dramatic jump may not happen in 2012, but it’s coming. This team is on a roll and a few surprising wins wouldn't shock anyone.

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