Olympic Closing Ceremony 2012: Acts We Could Have Done Without in London

Tim KeeneyContributor IAugust 13, 2012

LONDON, ENGLAND - AUGUST 12:  Victoria Beckham, Emma Bunton, Melanie Chisholm and Melanie Brown of The Spice Girls perform during the Closing Ceremony on Day 16 of the London 2012 Olympic Games at Olympic Stadium on August 12, 2012 in London, England.  (Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)
Clive Brunskill/Getty Images

Far be it from me to criticize London's 2012 Closing Ceremony, which was essentially as good as 18 different Super Bowl halftime shows rolled into one, but, well, I'm going to. 

The Closing Ceremony was fantastic. Great Britain followed a three-week performance in which it brought home 18 more medals than 2008 with an appropriately star-studded event.

It was a beautiful collection of sights, talents and sounds, but unfortunately, it was one other thing, as well.

It was painfully long. 

I understand it's a celebration that London had to cherish and didn't want to end, but there were some acts that could have been put in the discard pile.

Let's take a look.


Spice Girls

Was there anyone looking forward to the Spice Girls besides 20-something girls who spent their childhood listening to Sporty, Posh and company?

Probably not.

The Spice Girls made a decent impact on the musical world a long time ago, but I noticed a trend about the fans most anticipated for the comeback. 

They only wanted to see the Spice Girls (quotes are made up, but the general idea is oh-so-real).

"Forget this John Lennon guy, give me the Spice Girls already!" "I'm only watching this for the Spice Girls." "Blah blah Spice Girls are the only group that matters blah blah."

You get the point.

The Spice Girls' only fans didn't really care about anything else, and those are not the type of viewers an event like the Closing Ceremony should be attracting.

And as for everyone who actually cared about the camaraderie and appeal of the final event from London, I'm guessing the majority didn't give a rat's behind about seeing the Spice Girls.

(The whole "very narrow fan base" argument also goes for One Direction, but I won't dare say anything bad about them for fear of five Justin Bieber look-alikes attacking me whilst I sleep).


Russell Brand

Brand has his moments of comedy, but only in small doses. 

He brought along his whimsical nature and goofy style, and it was clear what the intention was, but he just wasn't all that impressive. 

Brand sang a little bit of Willy Wonka and a little bit of I am the Walrus by the Beatles—certainly classics, and certainly songs that I could go my entire existence without hearing sung by Russell Brand.

All in all, it was just, well, weird. But I guess that's what Brand is. This is a classic case of "to each their own."

Some probably liked Brand's performance, but I didn't. 


Kaiser Chiefs

The Kaiser Chiefs have managed to continue to stay relevant in the UK, but for the past five years, they have fallen off the map when it comes to worldwide notoriety. 

I'm not sure if they really compared to some of the acts around them. 

Their rendition of The Who's Pinball Wizard was decent, but if you are going to cover a song by The Who, you can't just be decent.

I like the Kaiser Chiefs; I just wasn't blown away with their performance. The "Symphony of British Music" likely wouldn't have changed without them.