Have I got a treat for you guys this week. Instead of regurgitating the same mundane articles that continue to be written—how the Sooners will fare; what position needs to step up; thoughts on Bob Stoops, Landry Jones, the secondary, etc.—I've decided to bring you some hard-hitting journalism in a different light.
As if it wasn't apparent, I kind of live and breathe sports. I'm sure I'm not the only person out there who would rather watch SportsCenter three times in a row than reruns of sitcoms.
I'm also sure I'm not the only person out there that lives with (or deals with on a daily basis) a significant other that just doesn't get it.
Don't get me wrong, my girlfriend actually does like sports. However, she can't seem to understand why I devote so much time to watching them. I try to convert her constantly, and I really think she's starting to come around—she at least has some pretty interesting opinions.
Luckily, I got her to share a few of those opinions with me (and consequently with you).
Keep in mind that my girlfriend is 24 and graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Anthropology from the University of Oklahoma in 2011. Without further ado, here are a few thoughts on the Sooners from a girlfriend's perspective.
How do you think the Sooners are going to do this season?
GF: Not very good. I don't think we're very good. I don't know any of the names of the players, and if the players were good, I would know their names.
You know Landry Jones, don't you? What do you think about him?
GF: Landry Jones had a mustache. I don't like it. His face doesn't look very good with a mustache. Does he still have a mustache? I don't know. I don't think he's as cute as people make him out to be. I hope he doesn't have that mustache still.
Okay. That's fair. What do you think about Bob Stoops?
GF: I think he's really good. He always wears a hat, and he's a good coach, and he seems really nice. People always tell me he's really nice.
I know you always pick the winners in March Madness based on the team's color and mascot. Do you like the Sooners' mascot?
GF: Are they horses?
GF: I don't really like them. They aren't very cute, and their heads are too big. They would be a lot better if they had really pretty hair, like really pretty bright colors. Maybe they could have horns, too. They would just be better if they were really pretty unicorns.
You know, I don't know why nobody has ever thought to change them into unicorns, you're right.
GF: Then there's the Sooner Schooner, which is also kind of dumb. What happens if that thing flips over? That's going to happen sometime, and lots of people are going to get hurt.
What do you think the weakest position is this season for the Sooners?
GF: The defense. Last year they weren't very good because lots of people kept scoring on them. If they didn't let people score on them so much they would be a lot better.
I see you've been reading every article ever on the Sooners this summer. Who is your favorite Sooner of all time?
GF: Troy Aikman.
Well, to be fair, Aikman wasn't a Sooner for very long...
GF: Don't care. Troy Aikman.
Fair enough. Let's just go ahead and wrap this up: What are your honest opinions about football?
GF: I really like the beginning of the games when everyone is really excited and video clips are on the big screen and then the kickoff! Then the game is exciting for like two minutes, and then I get bored.
What do you think needs to change to make football more exciting for everyone that isn't a big sports fan?
GF: It would be a lot more exciting if there were more obstacles. Like, what if a lion was running around the field, or there were snake pits or moats filled with crocodiles that players had to jump over.
That WOULD be exciting to watch. Is that it?
GF: No. I also have a hard time following the football. I always get tricked. I think the ball is going one way, and then it's all the way on the other side of the field. The quarterback and the guys who run with the ball should all wear neon jerseys so I know where they are.
GF: Sometimes, when a team is beating another team really bad, I think the losing team should automatically get a lot of points. That way the teams could just tie and nobody has to lose and everyone could hug. I don't want the losing team's feelings to be hurt.
That's a noble idea, maybe they could—
GF: Unless it's Oklahoma State. I want their feelings to hurt.
Spoken like a true fan.