Should Stone Cold Steve Austin Come Out of Retirement? Hell No

Lanny PoffoCorrespondent IFebruary 22, 2009

It's been incredible the last couple of weeks, reading all of the articles, comments, and comment replys about who Austin should fight at WrestleMania XXV.  Hello?  Where has Austin been the last five years?  Not wrestling.  Why?  Well, let's review why not.

Is it because he doesn't need the money?  Oh that's right, he signs live autographs on the web, so let's shoot that one down.  Is it because Vince hasn't let him come back?  Uh, who gets the top billing whenever and wherever he shows up to a WWE event.  Thats right, Stone Cold.  Then it has to be that he has other things to do.  Oh, thats right, he's a movie actor.  All of the major studios are knocking down the door to his trailer, or home, and begging him to star in their movies.  Oh, thats right...only the WWE would let him "star" in a movie.

Well, now wait a minute...if these aren't the reasons he hasn't wrestled the last five years, then whatever could it be? 

Oh, yeah... He's shot!  He has nothing left.  He's a broken down old man, who's never put anything in his body that was good for him, and suffered a life threatening injury in the ring that could eventually severley disable him.  I almost forgot about that reason.

And yet, the clamor for him to come back and put on one final show, although understandable to some degree, is really ridiculous. 

And who does the "WebWE Universe" want him to wrestle?  Hulk Hogan!  "The ultimate Icon vs. Icon!" Please.  Get a grip.  It's like in these fanatics warped minds, Austin and Hogan are going to magically appear as they do in the trailers of "Legends of WrestleMania" and somehow put on a great show.

If Hogan botched a move like the infamous chokeslam from the Undertaker, does anyone realize how that could paralyze Austin?

The funniest opponent, or really the saddest I heard was Bret Hart.  Hart can't even be in a room with more than 100 people without freaking out, and yet some Web Crazies out there think it would be "Ooohhh, the greatest sendoff for the two more great match."  The point is...if they could do it, we'd have seen it already.  There is a reason why these guys don't wrestle!  They can't!

So, maybe the way the storyline is going, we could see Austin vs. Chris Jericho.  Maybe, and at least he'd be in there with someone who wouldn't accidentally break his neck...again.  But let's all calm down out there and be realistic.  And stop reading into posters like they are some kind of code that we're supposed to break.

For the sake of argument, I'll throw out one out so I can be the 1,000,000th wannabe booker for XXV: How about a face team of Austin and Piper vs. a heel team of Jericho and Hogan?  And yes, I'm referring to Brooke.