Let's face it: there really aren't any UFC fighters that you'd want to meet in a dark alley.
Not if you have bad intentions on your mind, anyway. You'd go from being the aggressor to testing out your speed in a foot race in a blink of an eye. That's also a fight you probably wouldn't win.
But there are certain guys on the UFC roster that instill a little more fear than the rest. Or, I should say, the thought of running into these guys in anywhere but an absolutely public place puts the fear of God into me.
Let me state, for the record, that all of the guys I've included on this list are incredibly nice human beings. We're not talking about Mike Tyson in the '80s or '90s here, folks. All of these fighters would be more inclined to take you out for a beer than bash the ever-loving stuffing out of you.
With that in mind, let's take a look at 10 of the scariest fighters in the UFC.
Cheick Kongo is one of the more visually terrifying fighters on the entire UFC roster.
His physique is straight out of a how-to book on bodybuilding, but it's his glare that sends chills down my spine: cold, menacing and absolutely unforgiving.
I don't think this one is coming as a surprise to anybody, really.
Thiago Silva has it all: the menacing glare, the physique and the tattoos. He also has the look of a man who will absolutely eat your heart if you do something to piss him off.
Silva is one of the friendliest guys you'll ever meet, but you wouldn't know it by looking at him. Come to think of it, this is a guy I wouldn't want to run into ANYWHERE, not just in a dark alley.
Kyle Kingsbury has the look of a man who just escaped from Riker's Island. But that's not the main reason I find him so terrifying.
Any man who willingly wears a fanny pack on his journey through life must be feared. And it's not just the waist-satchel, either. Kingsbury seemingly buys his entire wardrobe at a store where the maximum clothing size is one or two sizes smaller than what he should realistically wear.
Pink shirts? Check. Tiny plastic running shorts? Of course. These are not things to be trifled with.
I don't know if you've ever seen Antonio Silva in person, but he is truly a sight to behold.
He's not Andre the Giant, but I imagine the effect is the same. He's a huge man, and his over-sized head, feet and hands would provide a particularly worrisome image for anyone running into him away from the lights and the crowds.
Vemola has it all: the physique packed with muscle, the perpetual five o' clock shadow and the ever-so-slight lazy eye. All together, it gives you the impression that you're not dealing with a mentally stable person.
And I know you wouldn't hear Vemola's entrance music in a dark alley (how awesome would that be, by the way?) but his choice of legendary classical piece "O Fortuna" from Carmina Burana is both apt and intimidating at the same time.
Look at Josh Neer. Just look at him. And then try to tell me you'd be fine with running into this guy away from civilization.
Neer is one of the guys on this list that might just be as terrifying as his visage suggests. And his nickname doesn't instill any warm fuzzies, either. Dentists are never associated with a good time.
Chiesa looks like the world's scariest homeless man.
One second, the guy with the unkempt beard in the alley is asking you to spare some change. The next, he's beating you down in quick and efficient fashion. That's not a comforting thought.
For the purposes of this slideshow, I'm just going to assume that Rony Jason wears his Friday the 13th mask whenever he goes out in public.
And let's have some real talk: anyone who wears a Jason Voorhees mask in a public setting is a little bit terrifying to begin with. I can't even see a scrawny kid wearing that goalie mask without feeling a twinge of fear.
Look at Renan Barao's picture. Just look at it.
The new interim bantamweight champion looks terrifying even when he's smiling. There's just something about him that makes me think he's just a little bit unhinged, even when he's mowing the lawn or going to the store to pick up groceries.
First, there's the nickname.
Unless you know the story behind it (the nickname was given to McCall by his young niece) "Uncle Creepy" is one of the more unique and disturbing nicknames in sports.
And I'm not just talking about the UFC. I'm talking about every sport, around the entire world.
And then there's the mustache. Fantastic as it may be, it just isn't all that often that you run into a fighter sporting a handlebar the way McCall does.