Football Fan for a Day, Pt. 1: Video Gaming

Let's face it, us American's generally don't know the sport of soccer...I mean Futball...I mean Football. All we know is David Beckham kicks a ball in Los Angeles once in a while.

After seeing some pretty gruesome postgame brawls on YouTube, I decided to see what the hoopla was about. I was going to embark on a journey that few American's started on. I was going to be a football fan for a day! I'm not talking about a casual fan, I'm talking about being a diehard soccer fan who would riot after a faulty call by the referee.

First, a little background information about myself. I've never played a game of soccer outside of gym class or kicking a ball around a yard. I've never went out of my way to watch a match or even watched one for that matter.

Being a tough hockey player my entire life, I always referred to soccer players as "field ferries." Not the nicest term, but they didn't do anything to earn my respect!

I started my quest by renting EA Sports' FIFA Soccer '09 for my XBOX 360. I popped it in and immediately found myself standing in front of a net with a ball and a goalie. I tried kicking the ball from a long distance only to find the ball curve like a 1919 snot ball. This was my introduction to bending the ball (LIKE BECKHAM, BABY!).

After a few more practice shots and a goal or two from a few feet out, I decided to indulge in a real game.

I sifted through the numerous teams until I landed on a team with red jerseys and a name relating to guns and bombs. I adopted Arsenal as my team of choice. This was going to be fun!

A game feature allows you to play only one player all match. So I took a position that looked like a scoring position and started. Two opposing players started the game by apparently tapping the ball and all hell broke lose.

I had no idea what I was suppose to do so I did what any unsure person would do, I stood there.

Now, I heard about these cards you get for messing up. I was fearing the Five of Diamonds at this point so I stood still until I got the ball. My life time hockey instincts took over and I was on my way to the net to score!

I hit up-down-left-left-right-right-up-up-up-down-left and found my guy only moved 10 feet with three defenders around him. What happened to breaking ankles?

Instead of juking my way down the field, a defender from the other team stuck his left leg out as if he was sliding into third base and promptly took the ball from my foot and tripping my guy. The sh** was on! 

I found the slide (which is known as a tackle in the soccer world) button and proceeded to do my best Jared Allen imitation and ran down the ball dribbler from behind and stuck my cleat into his leg for the big tackle. I was going to be a hero for my team! Instead something I feared happened.

I got a card of the yellow variety.

I was expecting to go sit in a little box on the sidelines but my guy was still out there after getting that card. I thought to myself, "OK, cool. You can't hit him from behind. Fair enough. I'll get him from the front."

I was kicked out of the game.

Apparently, there is a bit more skill involved in tackling than I originally thought. So I sucked it up and claimed a "re-do," hit the reset button and found myself into another game. This time I wasn't going to be the soccer version of Dave "The Hammer" Shultz. I was going to play fair.

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