Charles Barkley to Play at Big Dance

Sir Charles Barkley comments last month on CNN during the NBA All-Star Game, has incensed Christians at Fox News and around the globe. A group of skinny, white Christians are challenging him to a basketball game.

Christians at Oral Roberts University are upset with basketball great Charles Barkley slur against their faith on CNN during All-Star weekend this past February.

“Fake Christians? Wow. I don’t even know how to respond. If he was referring to evangelical leaders like Ted Haggard and Jerry Falwell and Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart, those weren’t fake Christians. They were just non-practicing Christians who were profiting off of other Christians. How is that fake? That’s just good business sense,” said junior forward, Robert White, III of Tulsa, Oklahoma.

White and the other members of the evangelical Christian university saw the broadcast of Barkley on YouTube last month. 

“At first we were going to just boycott the All-Star Game, but then we would have missed the slam dunk contest and watching Magic Johnson in a business suit that doesn't fit him, trying to pronounce words with more than two syllables. He’s hilarious. Missing that would have just been punishing ourselves,” White said.

Instead they have called out Barkley and will play him in between the first and second rounds at the NCAA Tournament in Anaheim this March.

Barkley is reportedly out of shape and overweight. In fact, he is so overweight that the Scottsdale Country Club has banned Mr. Barkley from stepping onto their putting greens. The golf club’s greens keeper, Mr. Jason Cohn, reportedly suffered a heart attack earlier this year when he saw Barkley’s Escalade pull into the parking lot.

“Since Barkley is so big right now he’s really like four guys.  So to keep it fair, he gets to pick one other person. We don’t care who it is.  He can pick Jordan if he wants or Joan of Arc for all we care.”

Asked if Barley wasn’t just a bit worried about the 60 minute match up with 5 young men, who may not have the skills of Sir Charles but are still in excellent physical condition, the spokesperson responded.

“Charles Barkley doesn’t need God, he’s got Jordan and Nike.”