WWE: John Cena, Sheamus and Their Lack of Love for Storyline Speculation

Shalaj Lawania@_Apex_Predator_Senior Analyst IJuly 18, 2012

Wrestling is a beautiful sport, and creates itself most of the time. All WWE has to do is channel the beauty, but they fail at that (most of the time) grandiosely.

It’s a spectacular talent, because little things (a complete hour of Ziggler wrestling for one) can easily catalyze the reemergence of the aforementioned beauty and among those is a simple, yet never-thought-before answer to the hated downward spiral of ratings, anticipation, and its merits. 

The only way in 2012 by which you can somehow get normal, self-respecting, not-TOUTing, Hornswoggle-hating, Khali-hating individuals to watch your show (which is incidentally loaded with leprechauns who can and giants who can’t speak, or vice versa) is to internally torture them with impatience.

The people who still watch foster innate curiosity over Michael Cole’s dormant supreme wrestling talents and thus vote on online polls for every chance to see him wrestle. Or maybe, they just love this business too much to leave it.

If you think latter’s the majority, by all means necessary explain the poll results from last week’s RAW to me.

The point is, you’ve got to make them believe there are more than two possibilities in a scenario, something the CM Punk-Daniel Bryan feud has lived up to in the best way it can. Punk’s match with Bryan at Over The Limit had him tapping out a few seconds after he legally won the match. 

The whole prospect that screams Punk can tap out not only sells Daniel Bryan as a credible threat to all title shots (because hey, his finisher works on someone) but also adds the nice morbid thought that ‘If Bryan locks that finisher next time, Punk’s out.’

Those thoughts culminate and germinate into emotions with anticipation at the crux, emotions that don’t rise in matches involving Cena WHO WILL NOT QUIT. It’s hard to believe Big Show is a serious threat despite all the Funkasquashing because Cena can lift him faster than he actually lifts those steel steps.

Funnily enough, other less muscled superstars don’t take so much effort with the steel steps but I’m willing to believe they mischievously put on some extra weight only in Cena matches to STACK ALL ODDS because Cena WILL OVERCOME and also WILL NOT QUIT.

We’re well past the stage where Walls Of Jericho has made us bite our poor nails because even JTG has survived the brunt of it. Wrestling moves need to preserve their prestige (even against Cena and Sheamus) to build doubt and anticipation which ruthlessly eliminate predictability and dull in-ring storytelling.

There’s your intensively searched solution to prevent your preserved babyfaces like Sheamus and Cena from getting booed. Of course, there are other reasons like lazy promos and uninspired wresting (Cena) and nothing but I’LL KICK YOUR ARSE FELLA (Sheamus), but this is one.

We know Dolph Ziggler is going to be Brogue’ed into oblivion, and frankly we don’t expect Super Sheamus to tap out to ADR’s arm puller of a finisher.

Mostly when the outcome of a match is predictable, we watch it for the actual execution that leads to the outcome.

But if I already know how each of the two is going to react to the other’s wrestling hold, why on Earth should I squander this valuable energy into actually watching that match over preparing a new Tout video about how my favourite moment on RAW was when Edge wrestled a laptop?

It’s a sad, desperate plea from a fan, one who actually wants to remain interested in this show but can’t consume so many superheroes with superpowers because they don’t provide speculation and that matters a lot in my abstract interest meter. Save Brodus Clay and Ryback. Save them Y2J.

Thanks for the read all.

Shalaj Lawania is now virtually old enough on the Internet for you to recognize him, but still miraculously n00by enough for you to keep being mean to him (at least there's some progress, however minimal). He is also a contributor for WrestleEnigma.com, so do check it out if you love him and his works and are very sweet. For more love, you can follow him on Twitter if you have a good annoying tweets threshold. For the rest, use Wikipedia.