Ah, the classic dilemma. What to do now that football season has ended. No more BCS controversy, no more NFL playoffs, no more pigskin period.
A long and dreary winter it shall be.
Sure, there are other sports. Basketball season is midway through! Problem is I didn't watch the first half of the basketball season, because I was too busy watching football.
Don't get me started on baseball... If I was an avid baseball fan, I wouldn't be writing this article, because I'd be too busy trying to get some work done in the minuscule amount of time that counts as an offseason in baseball.
So here are ten things that we can do while we eagerly await the return of America's real pastime, good old football.
10. Watch arena football. Oh, wait, never mind. Scratch that. The AFL folded, evidently... Sorry Russell, bad endorsement.
9. Blog about how bored we are now that football season is over. Hmmm...
8. Get a hobby. Maybe we should all start collecting things. Bottle caps, perhaps. No, not cars... Fight the urge... Fight it...
7. Collect cars. I didn't fight the urge.
6. Sell all of the expensive-to-store and currently non-functioning cars in your 'collection.' Realize that you have no cars left.
5. Realize that you are halfway through a list and haven't listed anything...
4. Watch soccer. Actually, no, on second thought, that is bad. Suicide rates would spike drastically. Don't watch soccer. As a matter of fact, don't even think about soccer.
3. Dig holes. One for each week that passes without you hearing the words "He's at the ten! Twenty! Thirty! Forty! He's gonna go all the way!" blasting from your TV/radio. Your significant other will love to wake up and see your work in the backyard every morning. Definitely.
2. Have a midlife crisis and buy a Mercedes Benz. Realize that you are actually too young to have a midlife crisis unless you intend to die at 36. This one really only applies to me.
1. Watch replays from the last year's football season. People, this will keep us all sane.
However you intend to spend the football offseason be sure to remember that that time shall come again, that time when the smell of grilled food fills the air and the sound of rowdy drunk people permeates the land.
Football season shall return!