Paul Burchill vs The Boogeyman
This match doesn't sound too interesting and shouldn't be at all; I believe it will end swiftly. Not only is the match not great, but ECW is a one-hour show, so the match will meet its climax soon. Paul Burchill could pull this one out...if Katie Lee interferes. If not, he'll have a bad encounter with lots of worms. Win or lose, we'll probably see the worms, so Burchill is doomed either way.
Winner: Does it matter? Burchill is getting bombarded with worms!
John Morrison vs Tommy Dreamer
Tommy Dreamer has been saying that if things don't look up for him soon, he'll leave at this year's One Night Stand. Dreamer might as well pack some more bags, because a win against Morrison is highly unlikely. Morrison is quicker, faster, better looking, swifter...did I mention better looking? Hats off to the legend, but he can't hang with the young cats these days. Sorry Dreamer, but you'll have to keep on dreaming.
Winner: John Morrison
Tyson Kidd vs Matthews Now
Tyson used to be in MTV's Wrestling Society X right? Nevertheless, the kid looks promising; he could go somewhere in a couple of years. He also has the lovely Natayla by his side, so he shouldn't worry so much. His opponent is Matthews Now? WHO THE HELL IS THAT?! Hold on while I scream at the crew to fix the teleprompter.
PLEASE STAND BY, WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
Sorry about that. It seems that no one can provide any information as to who this Matthews Now guy is. ECW is really a dungeon, huh? Where did he come from? I hope Christian gets out of there.
Winner: Tyson Kidd
Christian and Finlay vs Mark Henry and Jack Swagger
Finally! After nearly an hour of matches ranging from decent to bore-fest, we get what we want. I look forward to seeing Christian in action. I saw him last week, but only towards the end, so I only saw a little over a minute of action.
The team of Swagger and Henry are automatically superior and are logical choices, but it's WWE we're talking about here. Finlay is going to get a beating unless he has the trusty Shaleighlay with him. Hornswoggle is going to get grabbed one day, and what'll happen to him won't be pretty. Christian is really no match for Henry, and Swagger is barely manageable. Even though we know who the better team is, I'll go with the other.
Winner: Christian and Finlay
ECW is still going to need tons of help; Christian doesn't have that much charisma. When you're at the bottom, the only place you can go is up. ECW has to climb their way out of the pit and return to where they were in 2006. I miss you Paul Heyman.