Your secret is safe with me, Shaun Alexander
Dear Shaun Alexander,
Many Seattle Seahawks fans think the writing is on the wall. They may be right.
First the Hawks sign TJ Duckett, then Julius Jones. Plus, they already have Maurice Morris.
It's too bad; you've done a lot for the team.
Here are three simple steps you can take to help the Seahawks win a championship:
Make Like Tiki
You sort of look like Tiki Barber, so following his path to the television studio should be easy.
As a rookie NFL analyst, you will need to establish your credibility by publicly questioning the leadership of your former team's quarterback. Tell everyone that Matt Hasselbeck is mouse-like in the huddle.
(Wearing Mickey Mouse ears while talking about this may or may not help to illustrate your point.)
Convince Mike Holmgren to look freezer burned in the NFC Championship game like Tom Coughlin did in Green Bay. I just hope the game is not played in a dome, because people will start asking questions.
Alexander the Great
After the Seahawks win the Super Bowl without you, you will need to continue to follow Tiki's lead. Take credit for the team's success.
Just think, all of the glory and none of the falling down before you are tackled.
This is assuming, of course, that the Seahawks release you. Maybe they won't.
Maybe you'll win the NFL rushing title this year. Maybe you’ll score 25 touchdowns. And maybe I'm a ballerina.
You’ve had a great run, Shaun. You will be missed.
I might have dreamed it all up, but it's your secret, and it's safe with me.
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