Jeff Reed's At It Again

LaddCorrespondent IFebruary 15, 2009

Jeff Reed is making headlines again, this time for going apeshit on a towel dispenser.

"Reed caused damage to a towel dispenser [at a convenience store] as he was infuriated at the fact that there were no towels in it," according to a news release by Trooper Shawn Askins, who issued the citations. The incident occurred Saturday about 2:50 a.m.

Steelers spokesman Dave Lockett said the team wouldn’t have any immediate comment.

"We’re still gathering information right now," Lockett said Saturday.

Lockett, let me save you some time with this information gathering process, because there are only two possible explanations for Reed’s behavior.

Either the convenience store was also out of beer, or Reed looked in the mirror just before reaching for the towel dispenser and came to the haunting realization that he looks exactly like Richard Simmons.

Hopefully there will be some repercussions because his life has just been too perfect thus far. Okay, so he’s ugly as hell. But he has two rings and was basically flawless at UNC. And in high school, Reed was voted Best Personality and Best All Around, he graduated 9th in his class, and he was involved in the school newspaper, National Honor Society, and the Spanish National Honor Society. So this guy is basically a ridiculously athletic version of Brandon Walsh trapped inside of Richard Simmons’ body. Ugh.

Original image via Drunk Athlete