My Special Valentine's: Five Lucky, Lucky Recipients

Kristofer GreenSenior Writer IFebruary 14, 2009

Love is in the air.   It is Valentine's Day.

So to celebrate the special occasion, I decided to offer some very special Valentine's Day gifts to five very deserving recipients.

It is a day to share the love, after all.


Richland County Sheriff Leon Lott

How lucky for you that Michael Phelps went to a frat party at South Carolina, did what a lot of college students do, and was photographed by some anonymous source who also wanted to cash in on Phelp's fame. 

Anyone with any common sense can see this was an isolated incident for the greatest Olympian of all-time or maybe the IOC's drug testing isn't quite thorough enough.

Since all you really want is to be noticed, I've arranged for you to make a very special Valentine's Day appearance on the Jerry Springer show.  Don't be nervous, you'll fit right in.


Lane Kiffin

So what if you've had three recruiting violations in the span of one month.  Who cares that you've pissed off half of your fellow coaches in the SEC?  Big deal that your new boss basically called you a liar to the press.  You're still the tops to me!

My gift for you this Valentine's Day is a first edition copy of Recruiting for Dummies.  I hope you enjoy it.  If you have trouble understanding just ask one of those so-called recruiting gurus on your multi-million dollar staff for help.


Bud Selig

I know you're suddenly embarrassed by the steroid issue that is plaguing baseball.  I understand that you feel the need to overcompensate now in order to show your indignation.  It probably is easier on you when the heat is on A-Rod.

I'm getting you what you really need this Valentine's Day.  It's something you've needed for a long time now.  A big, shiny clue is your gift.

Now you may be able to see that most of us don't really care anymore and are sick and tired of hearing about anything related to those pesky roids.  Let's leave the past behind.  If you really believe the MLB has proper testing in place now, then what's the harm in moving on, Buddy?


Notre Dame

Charlie Weis officially announced a few days ago that Charlie Weis would be the new offensive coordinator at Notre Dame.  Charlie Weis said that Charlie Weis would give the Irish the best opportunity to win and that with Charlie Weis calling the plays the offense would take off.

Everything would be peachy in South Bend if only they had a head coach.  That's it!  I'll get the Fighting Irish a new head coach for Valentine's Day.  Perfect.



What's the matter guys?  Your prudish behavior has been proven time and time again, but your latest rule proposal feels like a joke.  Sure, we can all agree that taunting is bad and should be penalized.  But, I have a feeling my idea of taunting and your idea are vastly different. 

What's wrong with a little high-step?  Who doesn't want to see a flip into the endzone?  And you're going to take that guy's touchdown away?  Shame on you.

So for our Valentine's Day we will spend the day playing a nice, fun, and relaxing game of miniature golf.  Of course only the power players will have a chance to win the match.  Also, so you're comfortable, if there is a tie there is no need to go to a pesky tiebreaker.  We'll just have our putting instructors vote on who should be the winner.


Happy Valentine's Day to all you Bleacher Creatures and remember to spread the love!