The 35 Most Ridiculous Reasons to Love Sports
Sports are ridiculous.
Think about it. We gather and watch grown men and women kick a ball into a massive net, tackle each other for 60 minutes, hit a speeding ball with a piece of wood, and try to chuck a big orange ball into a basket.
A team's loss can ruin our week, or a dramatic win can bring a tear to our eye. Really, it's just a game! Doesn't that sound crazy?
Neanderthal cavemen didn't have any of these things and they got by okay. Sport is a man-made creation, after all.
For some reason, we find ourselves enamored with this seemingly ludicrous world, though. The competitive nature of battling teams brings out our fighting spirit.
Fathers and sons bond and pass down traditions sharing peanuts watching a baseball game on a sunny summer day. For some people, a Sunday afternoon football game is the relaxing break they've waited for all work-week.
(The Grinch's heart would begin to grow through that small box now...)
Maybe there's something more here, though.
Maybe enjoying something so simple is healthy for the soul. Sharing experiences and stories, making new friends, feeling the rush of a dramatic moment.
Winning? Losing? Big deal. Sometimes you just need to sit back, smile and enjoy the lighter side of the sporting world.
Maybe sports are ridiculous, but that's part of what we love. It is just a game and games should be fun.
Photo: Baker Entertainment Group
Dorf, a seemingly-Swedish goofy character portrayed by Tim Conway, is about three feet tall and rarely moves from one spot, a result of Conway standing in a hole with shoes placed under his knees.
Ultimately Conway starred in eight Dorf... films, but it was his 1987 cult classic, Dorf on Golf, that remains the gold standard of slapstick shoe-under-the-knee sport comedy.
34. Jose Canseco's Twitter Account
While brother Ozzie Canseco is most likely tweeting to make some bucks mowing your overgrown lawn, his brother, make that Bash brother, Jose, is churning out tweets that even blabbering fool Charles Manson think are nuts.
It's most likely Jose's padded-cell ramblings can be sourced to his giant steroid fingers, which are too big for the keyboard, mashing down more than one key at a time.
33. As Kids, We Could All Catch the Big One
Photo: Cardinal Games
Plastic bait to catch a plastic fish: how brilliant.
If you couldn't bait a hook or reel in a giant bass, this was the game for you.
Set on a spinning blue "ocean-like" circle, this motorized children's game was a rite of passage when it came to board games. One time around and you'll be "hooked."
Of course, there was always that one stubborn fish who didn't work properly, who never moved his mouth. Spending your time trying to catch that sucker made this game a royal pain at times.
32. Chicks Dig Scars...
You may win the gold, you may wipe out.
You may hoist the championship trophy, you may hit the links early.
You may start every single game, you may ride the pine all season.
Hey kids, pick up a bat, a football, a soccer ball, a hockey stick. Even if you have the coordination of a blindfolded ox like the players in this video, you'll be happy one day.
31. Sports Logo Toast
Forget Wheaties, this is the true breakfast of champions.
We'll toast to that!
What better way to forget a devastating overtime loss the night before than to slap some butter and jelly over your favorite team's insignia, branded into your slice of Wonder Bread?
How this thing would look on pumpernickel bread or a bagel is anyone's guess.
30. Waiting to See If Jimmy Johnson's Hair Will Ever Move
Photo: Fox Sports
Q: What do the following have in common? A bullet. A hockey puck. Superman's fist.
A: None would stand a chance penetrating Jimmy Johnson's hair.
Johnson, former NCAA and NFL coach and current panelist of Fox NFL Sunday, has a head full of silver locks that haven't budged an inch since the Carter administration.
Weather doesn't play a factor in the Fox studios, but any playoff or Super Bowl outdoor set gives us all a chance to plunk down a few bucks and bet if the wind can can touch that infamous mane.
29. Filling out Joke Names on a Bowling Score Screen
When bowling, it's bad enough you need to wear hideous pre-worn multicolored shoes that have been sprayed with the equivalent of Michael Jordan cologne.
The topper, though: to have to showcase your real name on the score screen for your embarrassingly low score to be advertised to everyone in the alley? No thanks.
Enter the world of the comical names on the score screen.
Lame inside jokes, failed attempts to sound cool, and a chance to use the name "Britney Spares," all at the convenience of your fingertips. No one's the wiser that you bowled that 45.
28. The Reebok Pump
Speaking of beautiful shoes... this is Reebok's high-top fad, "The Pump".
An early '90s status symbol on high school blacktop courts that was right out of the fashion opus that was White Men Can't Jump.
Perfect to match up with your Hyper Color t-shirts and slap bracelets, all while blasting Kriss Kross's campy hip-hop gem, "Jump."
The secret? An inflatable basketball pump on the tongue that raised a D+ game to easily a solid C-.
27. Green Man
Photo: 20th Century Fox
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? More like a Green Day.
It's Always Sunny's... Charlie Kelly may not have a clean home, respectable job, or clothing that isn't riddled with holes, but his skintight electric green bodysuit has inspired a laugh-yourself-silly sports fan fad.
First busted out in an episode outside of a Philadelphia Eagles public tryout session, later he butted lime-colored heads with fellow green PA sports mascot, the Phillie Phanatic outside the grounds of Citizen Bank Park.
This not-for-the-bashful spandex freaky-sort-of-Ninja Turtle costume has hilariously worked its way into the hearts of a sports-loving culture.
26. Watching Charles Barkley Slowly Lose His Mind
Photo: Weight Watchers
Charles Barkley circa 1993.
Charles Barkley circa mid-1990's.
Charles Barkley circa 2008.
Charles Barkley circa 2010.
Charles Barkley circa later 2010.
Charles Barkley circa 2012.
Charles Barkley circa later 2012.
Charles Barkley now.
Proof is in the pudding...and the pudding is in Barkley's mouth.
Okay, that was a bit mean.
The Round Mound of Rebound may be more svelte these days, but the path to becoming a real-life Looney Tune is clearly in high gear.
25. Don West, Salesman Extraordinaire
Goateed nutjob Don West may be a familiar face to fans of Total Nonstop Action Wrestling, but to many, he'll always be the passionately flamboyant pitchman who sold a generation sports cards and memorabilia on the Shop at Home Network in the 1990s.
Hyper, overly-enthusiastic, and always entertaining, West and his trademark raspy pipes pushed rare Beanie Babies, dove into a pile of baseball cards on the ground, and nearly sliced himself selling collectable knives, all on the air.
Whether it was screaming about a Ken Griffey Jr. rookie card's mint condition, or offering "stretch pay" when it wasn't approved, West became a colorful figure in homes across America and turned himself into most celebrated figures in the world of on-air television shopping.
24. Awkward Signs Made of Network Letters
For some fans, it's not enough to go to a game, they are gunning for their 15 milliseconds of fame.
Problem is, everyone and their grandmother can make a sign, but for a surefire method to have the cameras catch you is good 'ol tried-and-true brown-nosing.
Fans use sayings and phrases, using letters from those to line up the respective network's call letters or name. More often than not, in a rather awkward fashion.
It's cheap, it's kind of cheesy, and it's pretty much free advertising, so enjoy your air time.
23. Hooters Thinking Football Sells This Ad
Did you know Hooters restaurants have televisions?
Liar. Of course you didn't.
Between the delicious Buffalo wings and scantily-clad waitresses, there could be a bright pink UFO in the parking lot, and not one red-blooded male would take notice.
Hooters keeps pushing the sports angle, though, and more power to them for it. Between the food, beer and women, there's no reason to leave off a fourth item guys would enjoy.
Actually with all those distractions going on, perhaps you could pull off some great steals in the late rounds of your Hooters fantasy football draft party.
22. NASCAR Mullets
Even Billy Ray Cyrus, James Hetfield, and Joe Dirt are rolling their eyes at this impressively terrible hair don't.
NASCAR fans have been the butt of redneck jokes for years. Naturally, there's all types of fans, and to stereotype would be wrong. Of course, with attendance that can reach six figures for a race, you're bound to find some interesting styles, none more hilarious than the extreme mullet.
If this fan is "business in the front," then the back is one heck of a party. Proceed with caution and take lots of pictures.
21. The Rudy Soundtrack
Jerry Goldsmith, you've created a moving and inspirational soundtrack for every suburban male who wishes they could play at Notre Dame to blast on their iPod while going for an early-morning run.
Just ignore the artwork though, it might remind you Chris O' Donnell played a part in this monstrosity.
20. The $26 Hot Dog at Rangers Ballpark
Photo: Yahoo! Sports
Everything is bigger in Texas.
Here is the delicious pride of Rangers Ballpark, home of the Texas Rangers. Weighing in at one pound and measuring two feet long, there are actual real dogs that are smaller than this monstrous Texas frank.
Covered in shredded cheese, sauteed onions, jalapeno peppers and chili, this $26 wiener feeds four people and can double as a bat for Josh Hamilton to knock some dingers out of the park.
True, that's a lot of dead presidents for a hot dog, but Yankee Stadium dogs go for around $6 and barely fill a cavity, It's excessive, but not completely insane.
19. The Infamous Drunk Joe Namath Interview
Lesson to you young fellas out there: if this hilariously sad method didn't work for a Super Bowl champion, it won't work for you.
Don't do this.
18. Bill Murray Doing This...
Just a month ago, dark clouds rolled in, the tarp was laid down and the crowd had to wait as rain delayed a Charleston RiverDogs minor league baseball game.
Lucky for those fans in attendance, Bill Murray, the funniest man on Earth, is part owner of the RiverDogs.
The crowd roared as the always fun-loving 61-year-old actor trotted the bases over the soaked tarp, ending it with a tumbling belly-flop slide at the plate.
17. Ghostbusters Cheerleaders
Photo: Yahoo! Sports
Who ya gonna call?
Well, if it's a Sunday in January, most likely the Jacksonville Jaguars will be free. It's Sundays in late October that draw the most attention, though.
Cheerleader squads have been known to don costumes the last Sunday in October, leading up to Halloween, but the "ROAR," the Jacksonville Jaguars cheerleader squad took the costumed cake in 2009.
The entire team suited up in Ghostbusters costumes, featuring a halftime show complete with proton packs and a Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. Dan Aykroyd not included.
Here's your script for a third film right here, guys!
16. Celebrities Singing 'Take Me out to the Ballgame' at Wrigley Field
One of the now two remaining "classic" baseball parks, Wrigley Field is just oozing with charm.
From the ivy-blanketed outfield wall to the bulk of daytime games, Wrigley is a venue steeped in rich tradition.
One of those long-running traditions being the massive singalong of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," sung for years by late Cubs announcer, Harry Caray.
Upon Caray's passing in 1998, invited celebrities such as Jay Leno, Ozzy Osbourne, Bill Murray, Jeff Gordon and Pearl Jam singer Eddie Vedder have led the crowd in song during the Seventh-Inning Stretch.
15. Puppy Bowl
Photo: Animal Planet
We all know Super Bowl Sunday is a day to stuff yourself like a Build-a-Bear and watch multi-million dollar commercials of products you'll forget. Did you also know there's a football game that day too?
If pigskin isn't your thing, then you may enjoy puppy fur instead.
Animal Planet's popular gridiron alternative, the Puppy Bowl, has provided adorable "ruff" play for eight years. Teams of playful pooches, bunny, chicken and pig cheerleaders, and a kitty halftime show have helped ratings soar on a day when other shows tend to fall flat against the big game.
Unless Bud Bowl returns one day, then all bets are off.
Because your Dwight Schrute bobblehead needs some company.
13. Paper Football
No need to say "laces out!"
True, about 90 percent of this game is spent leaning down to pick up the folded paper triangle off the floor, but the added incentive of hitting your buddy square in the face with every score makes paper football destined to be sports next great pastime.
12. Dick Vitale Crowdsurfing
It's a sin that Dick Vitale isn't a direct part of March Madness.
With the NCAA Tournament tied to CBS and its sister channels, ESPN's Dicky V, arguably the face of college basketball, isn't part of the reindeer games.
Too bad, cause the 73-year old has the energy and enthusiasm all aspiring sportscasters should aim to have.
No greater example than Vitale's penchant to be picked up by rabid college basketball fans and crowd surf, "Smells Like Teen Spirit"-style, over college kids a fraction of his age.
11. Detroit Lions Fans' Anti-Nickelback Campaign
True, Detroit may have given us these jokers, but for their desire to boot butt-rockers Nickelback from playing 2011's Thanksgiving halftime show, we commend them.
For the first time in years, the Detroit Lions took the field for their Thanksgiving Day game with a winning record.
Just because it's Turkey Day doesn't mean turkeys need to take the field. Over 50,000 signatures were gathered to bump the Canadian band from their spot in lieu of a more Detroit-centric act.
In the end, Nickelback did perform to a tepid response from attendees. Just minutes later Ndamukong Suh was ejected for nearly stomping a human being into the turf.
Coincidence? You tell me.
10. Terrifyingly Diehard Soccer Fans
A quick search on Google might have you believe all soccer fans look like this, but there's a lot of insane, scary and downright crazy fans all over the globe.
Would you really want it any other way?
Dedication, exuberance, and excitement all converge when a soccer match occurs, be it a professional team, national title or world tournament. There's no joking around, these wild fans bring it, and they bring it big time.
Skyrocketing fireworks, intimidating costumes, drum beating, and deafening chants all become part of the experience when dealing with some of the greatest sports fans on the planet.
9. Lou Piniella's Numerous Meltdowns
Bobby Knight chucked chairs across the basketball court.
Bobby Cox was sent to the showers almost enough times to equal an entire season.
Lou Piniella takes the cake for on-the field blow-ups, though.
Sweet Lou's screaming matches with umpires ended in hats being kicked, bases being uprooted and thrown and ejections aplenty, providing a fire and intensity to the game that fans hold so dear.
When he ran out onto the field, he knew he was getting booted, and he went out providing a show to all in attendance.
8. 'The Baseball Stache'
That'd be no other than a killer baseball soup-strainer.
A look that reached prominence in the 70's but still makes appearances in today's game. Rollie Fingers (pictured) looks like he's about to tie a damsel to railroad tracks following the game, and how many players grown a superstitious "rally stache"?
Ironic or not, it's a look that will forever remain synonymous with the sport.
While Brian Wilson has made "the beard" a household term, it's above the lip that really counts if you're looking for baseball immortality. Makes your razors last twice as long as well.
7. ESPN's 'This Is SportsCenter' Commercials
Consistently hilarious, these commercials brought us a showdown between Josh Hamilton and Mr. Met, Landon Donovan kicking the stubborn copier, and coined the infamous term, "Big Time Timmy Jim."
Keep 'em coming, ESPN.
6. Insane Face-Painters
Photo: NBC Universal
If David Puddy from Seinfeld can do it, then we're talking big-time here.
At games, some fans wear shirts, some create signs, some might paint their bodies, but the face painter? That's a dedicated lunatic of a fan, and we love them for it.
Clearly, it squashes any chance for food consumption, and there's a good chance it'll scare any eligible women away in the first glimpse, but as far as dedication goes? This guy's got it.
Kudos to you, my face-painting friends.
5. Old-School Sports Video Games
Later this summer, when you rush home with your copy of Madden '13, and pop the disc in, watching a game so real, you're afraid the Saints have a bounty for you, don't forget, it all started years ago with some simple pixels.
Dating back to video game systems like Intellivision and later the classic Nintendo, games like Tecmo Bowl, Blades of Steel, Double Dribble, and R.B.I. Baseball still stand the test of time as the most simple and fun games you'll ever find.
Without the bells and whistles of current games, it boils down to solid gameplay, catchy 8-bit music, and an enjoyment factor that's worth having to pop the cartridge out and blow in it to make it play.
4. Gatorade Baths for Coaches
Photo: Stephen M. Dowell
You really can't feel too bad for a coach being doused by a barrel of ice-cold Gatorade on a freezing January day. It's better to be doused than to be going home dry and losing, after all.
Except for University of Alabama head coach Nick Saban, a clothes-horse who had to change his white shirt following his soaking when the Crimson Tide were crowned BCS National Champions in 2010.
Sometimes the best part of a game happens before the whistle even blows.
For hours leading up to big games, stadium parking lots turn into a mouth-watering fiesta, worthy of a Food Network visit.
Visit a tailgating party before a Chiefs game and you'll leave with sticky fingers. A Cardinals pre-game feast will fill you with tasty Southwestern chow. The brisket outside of a Longhorns game can't be beat.
It doesn't stop there. From coast-to-coast, barbecue smoke fills parking lots as starving sports fans gather in anticipation and celebration, to eat, share, and enjoy with friends and family.
Proof that the influence and love of sports extends beyond the playing field.
2. Newspaper Headline Puns
Photo: New York Daily News
When the Rockets or Astros lose, we get "Houston, We Have a Problem."
Eli Manning prompted a barrage of "Super Mann" headlines.
Jeremy Lin's magical run this past February reignited the media's love of punning up newspapers.
Puns are often groan-inducing, roll-your-eyes, horrible comedy. We all act like they're terrible, but we still laugh when we hear, because, well, they're funny.
When push comes to shove, sports are a game, and we should enjoy the comical and light-hearted element of it.
It's really a Lin/Lin situation for us all. D'oh!
1. Mascot Fights
Some find them annoying. Some find them hilarious.
Mascots help turn a game into an event. They interact with kids, with fans, with cheerleaders, and sometimes with the players themselves. Try to stand near a mascot and not smile...it's physically impossible.
Sometimes they even go nuts, and if there's one thing funnier than a mascot, it's a mascot losing his noodle.
Please enjoy this video. If big, furry, costumed animals falling on their faces and fighting each other doesn't make your day, you may need to get your funny bone checked, stat.