Bud Selig Arrested Today For Under Age Drinking Event in 1950; Others Worried

Jonny SAnalyst IFebruary 13, 2009


Bud Selig, the current Commissioner of Major League Baseball, was arrested at approximately 11:33 PM last night at his home near Milwaukee. The arrest comes on the heels of Selig's remarks that Alex Rodriguez may face some sort of suspension for admitting his steroid usage in the early 2000s.

Ironically, police and other private investigators had been working together since Wednesday afternoon to build a case against Selig possibly breaking a law in his "past."

Police Chief Rose Pete claims that investigators have uncovered two photos in which Selig was "drinking some sort of alcoholic beverage" and also "doing a keg-stand surrounded by other drunk under age teens." This comes as a huge shock considering how impeccable Selig's background was thought to be.

One of the private investigators, Jose Sosa, claims that the events in these photos occurred when "He (Selig) was just 16-years-old, which would make what he did, illegal."

Selig had no direct response when reporters and camera crews swarmed him as he walked hand-cuffed from his house to the police car but did release a statement through his attorney:

"I don't know why I have been arrested, I am innocent of any charges filed against me. I did engage in some drinking before I was 18-years-old but that was nearly 59 years ago. I don't know how the police can possibly arrest me like this or possibly suspend me from my position as Baseball Commissioner when I was never caught in the act. My attorney and I will work as hard as we possibly can to prove how wrong this is and how much of a witch hunt this has become."

In other sports related news, swimmer Michael Phelps was contacted via his jail cell where he commented that "knew exactly how Selig felt."

Meanwhile, Alex Rodriguez had no comment but said "What he did was illegal at the time, he should be punished."

The story does not end there though; in fact, there are several renowned athletes who are concerned that their pasts are going to harm or end their careers or reputations.

Darryl Strawberry is now concerned that he will "be arrested for soliciting sex inside of a baseball stadium," something he says he does not regret but "knows it was against the law."

Florida Gator's football stud Tim Tebow is intensely nervous that police will discover that one weekend when Tebow was driving from his home to Gainesville he "drove 67 MPH in a 65 MPH zone." When asked if he thought he would be questioned by the police Tebow responded, "I hope not but if I am I will do my best to teach the youth what I did was wrong and irresponsible."

ESPN analyst Kirk Herbstreit defended Tebow this morning when talking to reporters, "In Tim's defense, I am pretty positive God told him that 67 MPH was the right speed to do."

Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart is also shaking in his bed due to his past experiences with "under age women drinking booze in my jacuzzi." Leinart claims he "thought they were 21" but when they told him they were 19 he asked them to "prove their innocence."

Other NFL and MLB stars alike are expressing their nervousness as investigators and police across America bear down on these past situations. This includes Albert Pujols of the St. Louis Cardinals and Randy Moss of the New England Patriots who have admitted they used to "bail out of lunch tabs all the time" before they made it big.

When FBI Director Clinton Bush was asked why law enforcement everywhere was concentrated so greatly on these issues he replied, "They broke the law, therefore they must be punished." At this point he then nudged several reporters and said "Off the record...what better way to get the attention away from the real problems in America, like the economy and new stimulus package(s)?? Plus, some of these guys have some serious cash, they can help our economy by paying their fines."

All in all it seems that players and people everywhere need to not only watch their backs but also their past. In the same jail side interview mentioned before with Michael Phelps, he also told reporters that the first thing he would do when he got out of jail was "delete my Facebook of course!"

I guess the famous author Oscar Wilde was right...

"No man is rich enough to buy back his past."