More MLB Steroid Problems: Others on the Clock

Hot Stove New YorkSenior Writer IApril 6, 2017

First, if you’ve never read “The Tell Tale Heart,”  by Edgar Allan Poe, you should stop reading this dinky little blog post and go to your nearest bookstore.  It’s a short story—it’ll take you 30 minutes at most, and it’s directly related to what we’re talking about here.

We all know the story, so I’m not going to recap.  But first, a quick tangent: Out of the 104 names on the “anonymous” list of steroid users in Major League Baseball from 2003, it’s one heck of a big coincidence that the three we know for sure just so happen to be the most important pitcher, slugger, and fielder of the past 20 years.  They also happen to be a white guy, a black guy, and a latino. 

Seems like somebody is strategically dropping tactical "steroid bombs" and covering all his bases.

Now to touch on those players who haven’t been named, the ones who are still “anonymously” listed as steroid users from six years ago.  They must be sweating bullets, wherever they are. 

Since we know some select names already, it is inevitable that the other 100 or so will come out, and if you’re one of the guys on that list, you’ve probably figured that out by now.

At least A-Rod is already out in the open.  The worst is over for him (at least on the steroid front, Torre's book might be another matter); I saw him on ESPN this afternoon apologizing.  And by the way, I have to agree with those of you who think he wears lipstick.  

The as-of-yet-unnamed, who we'll learn of at some point in the future, are going to have to go on ESPN one day and apologize too.  But in the meantime, it's not fair to everyone else in baseball who wasn’t juicing; they’re all guilty by association until the names are made public.  Thankfully, it’s only a matter of time before someone cracks and they start to fess up.

Meanwhile, I wonder what kind of crazy defense mechanisms the guilty will employ.  This is the "reality TV" I want—some hidden camera action on these dudes going about their lives as if nothing is going on, just waiting for the day when their 15 minutes of infamy is “breaking news” on Sportscenter.

Another dude who’s up the creek without a paddle is the guy who supposedly destroyed the test results.  If I’m not mistaken, he’s part of the player’s union; I think he might just be the "Fifth Cylon" (word to Battlestar Galactica fans).

At least now we know it was 'roid rage that prompted Clemens to chuck shards of wood at Mike Piazza.  Funny, though, that when Clemens went to the National League he wasn’t targeting batters with the same intensity.  The DH is so lame, especially when steroids are involved.

In England you can bet on everything.  I mean everything.  You can get odds on the first red card in the 2018 World Cup or how many months Dirty Dancing: The Musical will run.  If only this “anonymous” list was big news over there, the odds would be hysterical.

If I had 50 bucks burning a hole in my pocket and had to place a wager on who I think is on that list…well, no offense Mr. Sosa, but you’ve got veins growing out of your eyelids.   Your earlobes have muscles, for crying out loud.

Who would you put your money on?

I feel like I’m contributing to the downfall of America…