Dear Brett Favre,
Well, I guess it's official, you've retired from the NFL. It's been a great run—maybe the best any quarterback has ever had.
It's too bad you couldn't go out on your own terms.
I'm sure it's not a coincidence that the Green Bay Packers website "accidentally" announced your retirement with a mysterious post that was only online for a few minutes, and then a few days later, you actually retired.
You probably wanted to play one more year. Unfortunately, you have to do what the internet says. It's really too bad.
One time the internet told me if I didn't forward this one e-mail to ten of my friends, I would have bad luck.
Sure enough, six months later I got a flat tire. It took a while, but in the end, the internet was right.
You're probably upset that the internet is bossing you around. I don't like it when inanimate things tell me what to do either.
Kind of like when the microwave tells me I have to take the spoon out of my bowl of oatmeal before I heat it up.
Well, It doesn't really say it as much as it displays it with the sparks and everything.
Anyway, back to your problem.
Why don't you try to sneak back into the league as a different player?
You could be Frett Bavre, the undrafted rookie out of the University of Phoenix. You could act all rookie-like by making ill advised throws, doing crazy shovel passes, and carrying around wide receivers on your shoulders after…nevermind.
Good luck sneaking back into the league, Brett.
And don't worry about your secret, because it's safe with me.