The Worthless Baseball Card Awards

Pitchers and catchers report in 8 days, people. That means that we’re just over a week away from endless tales of how players are in the “best shape of their lives”, managers and GM’s gushing about how good they feel about the team this year, and if its anything like last spring, perhaps even a Juan Gonzalez sighting.

We figured there was simply no better way to celebrate the quickly approaching dawn of a new baseball season than to showcase the thing that helped most of us become fans of the sport as kids - we’re speaking of course about completely worthless baseball cards.

To get you prepped for the 2009 season, we present another edition of The Worthless Card Awards:

The Award for “Guy that is right about to drop a killer line about the fat groupie he bagged last night” goes to…

The Award for “Most obvious depth perception issues” goes to…

The Award for “Baltimore player who was most excited that a state-of-the-art hair dryer was included in his 1983 World Series bonus package” goes to…

The Award for “Desperately in need of a chin strap for his hat” goes to…

The Award for “Player who is discretely blaming that horrendous smelling fart on the guy sitting to his left” goes to…

The Award for “Most likely to spend his per diem meal money at the hair salon” goes to…

The Award for “Most flamboyant on the team trampoline” goes to…

The Award for “Most likely to request a customized Cleveland Indians #69 letterman’s jacket from the team equipment manager” goes to…

The Award for “Guy that wants to make sure that you’re absolutely certain that you want his autograph” goes to…

The Award for “Longest stretch without setting foot in the locker room shower” goes to…

The Award for “Least amused by the JoeSportsFan.com’s constant barrage of jheri curl jokes” goes to…