UVA Basketball Tales: The Legend of King David Leitao

Ben GibsonSenior Analyst IFebruary 4, 2009

Once upon a team there once was a great man named Dave Leitao.

Leitao had been raised from a very prestigious family, led by his mentor Jim Calhoun.

The Calhounian Dynasty had ruled over his land with a great deal of success, including two different years they had control over the entire world.

However, Leitao had grown up and wished to venture out into the world to make a dynasty of his own.

His adventure was far from a smooth one.

He returned to his homeland of Northeasternia, only to find disappointment.

After three years, the peasants overthrew Leitao and he returned home to the Calhounian Dynasty which welcomed him back with open arms.

Leitao tried again at Depaulia and found much more success than he could have expected.

His kingdom began to earn the respect and recognition of other leaders.

Meanwhile, there was trouble in Hooville.

The beloved jester, Pete Gillen, had proven to be an ill-fit for their kingdom.

His kingdom had struggled under his reign, achieving one year of prominence in 2001 before falling into the doldrums of the basketball world.

Poor Gillen was a nice man whose profuse sweating provided an ample water supply and whose one-liners kept the people entertained, but it was time for a new leader who could bring Hooville some joy.

A special committee was launched and although they threw millions at nearby ruler Tubby Smith, they were spurned.

After that, Craig Littlepage found Leitao in Depaulia and begged the tall giant to come to Hooville.

Leitao could not deny such an offer to rule such a powerful and prestigious kingdom.

Besides Depaulia was due to battle his great mentor next year (thanks to Kingdom re-affiliation) and he could not envision putting his sword into the back of his hero.

Leitao was known for his anger and the citizens of Hooville saw it early on.

Leitao was officially censured by the royal magistrates of college basketball in just his first two battles for his royal yell.

Many wondered if the leader could handle the tougher battles yet to come.

However, Leitao had two great generals by his side in J.R. Reynolds and Sean Singletary.

These two men were perfect leaders, they knew how to execute a strategy and they worked well together.

The two worked in tandem to slay many foes along their way.

Many questioned whether Leitao was placing too much power in the hands of young Reynolds, but under his tutelage they were able to surprise many people across the country.

Reynolds, alongside his flashier counterpart, became one dynamic duo.

In just Leitao’s second year on the throne, Hooville was tied for the top kingdom in the Atlantic Castle Coalition.

Dressed in the finest robes across the land, Leitao was orchestrating an impressive run towards respect and redemption.

Even better for the people, Hooville now had a state of the art palace for the brave soldiers to reside in.

The Cavaliers of Hooville were fighting on behalf of their orange-clad brethren and successfully defending their gorgeous turf with an unblemished record.

However, problems began to plague the castle.

First, Reynolds left Hooville for Italy, leaving Singletary without his beloved comrade

This ruined the entire power structure of Hooville for Singletary could not trust his fellow men to help lead them to prominence.

His fellow warriors like Mamadi Diane and Adrian Joseph were too inconsistent.

They lacked the same versatility and leadership skills as Reynolds.

Putting them in a position of this magnitude threatened the trajectory of this entire kingdom.

Leitao searched the lands for a replacement and could not find any worthy of the vaunted title.

Therefore from 2007-2008, the palace of Hooville began to lose its luster.

The fighting Cavaliers could no longer defend their home turf, losing to the might men of Orangeand soon being mauled by the Tigers of Clemsonia in a crushing loss!

The other kings had learned that Singletary was vulnerable and concentrated their forces on him.

This meant the responsibility of saving the kingdom rested in the hands of either inexperienced privates or timid veterans who were thrust into a situation they were not used to.

The failures took its toll on Leitao and the people of Hooville.

Leitao locked the doors to his palace after watching the movie “Coach Carter” and broke all the clipboards around the land.

Alas, this tried and true method was no longer working.

He had built his reputation on defensive strategies and yet opposing forces were making his soldiers look foolish in battle.

Hooville had fallen from the top of the mountain to near the bottom of the cellar, only being able to beat up on the equally young and inconsistent Eagle warriors of Beeceevilla.

Frustrated by the losing, Singletary left his post as general to be shipped around from kingdom to kingdom in the professional world.

Leitao wept, for the loss of Singletary meant that Hooville would have to begin anew with the warriors he had helped bring to the village.

The only problem was that these young warriors had become too reliant on Singletary during their time here.

Leitao tried to find a new leader in Sylven Landesberg (also known as “The Educator” for taking countless warriors to school).

Landesberg was extremely talented and never lacking in confidence.

He had the talent of a great general but he lacked the experience.

He also lacked the long-range attack that would help make him a complete warrior.

Leitao relied upon Landesberg and his fellow young faces, Sammy The Great and Assane the Sene-ator.

Both men were once again passionate and determined, but both lacked the necessary experience to know how to fight some of the best kingdoms around them.

So here we are.

The kingdom of Hooville is in despair.

Their palace still looms large over the city but its citizens dare not enter.

They know the horrors that lie inside.

These young warriors are being eaten up like lunchmeat while King Leitao sits on his throne in disgust.

The citizens of Hooville are angry.

Many have lost patience with their king, claiming he is a tyrant whose cruel nature has soured his troops and cannot restore them to past glory.

The king has allowed his men to be humiliated on the battlefield time and time again.

They lack confidence, they lack leadership and they lack focus.

However, Leitao knows that he is only two years removed from being King of the Year in his Coalition.

He knows that he has a foundation for a renaissance, he just needs the time.

He needs to convince the citizens he knows how to develop a strategy that his warriors can execute.

The game plan has not worked so far, but a renewal of his battle with Beeceevilla is just upon the horizon.

With even tougher foes to vanquish down the road, Leitao would serve himself well to rally his men to put forth a valiant effort to protect their palace.

Otherwise, he may want to start hiding the pitchforks and torches.


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