Following Stanford's OC Name Change, We Examine Other Donor Possibilities

Adam KramerNational College Football Lead WriterMay 22, 2012

GLENDALE, AZ - JANUARY 02:  Andrew Luck #12 of the Stanford Cardinal gestures at the line against the Oklahoma State Cowboys during the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl on January 2, 2012 at University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona.  (Photo by Doug Pensinger/Getty Images)
Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

Large amounts of money can go along way, and you can obtain pretty much anything you desire if there are enough zeroes at the back end of a check. Take this, for example.

The offensive coordinator position at Stanford will now be referred to as the Andrew Luck Director of Offense after being endowed by a “very generous gift” from an anonymous donor. This is not an Onion story, this is real, and it is an honor to celebrate former Cardinal QB Andrew Luck (duh) as he moves on to the NFL. Now, people can do what they please with their money (and the gesture itself is pretty fantastic), although the new name doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.

The first Andrew Luck Director of Offense is none other than Pep Hamilton, who served as the team’s OC last year and will now happily accept this honor. We can only hope to someday get our hands on his business card.

“It is a tremendous honor to hold this position and to be associated with an outstanding young man like Andrew Luck, who means so much to Stanford football and the Stanford community,” Hamilton said in a statement.  “I will do everything in my power to proudly continue the tradition of creative and exciting offensive football at Stanford.”

This, of course, raises the question of what other changes we could make if we a) knew the people capable to make such things happen and b) had money to make those people care. You see the problem in this, although I’m passing along my suggestions regardless assuming a generous donor will do the rest.

Your suggestions are, as always, welcomed.

Head Coach at Oklahoma State: The Master of Being a Man and Being 40

Offensive Coordinator at Wisconsin: The Diplomat of ‘Quick, Learn this Playbook We Have a Game in 8 Weeks’ Transfer Coordination

Special Teams Coach at Boise State: The Kyle Brotzman Ambassador of Going For it on 4th Down Going Forward

Defensive Coordinator at Washington: President of Touchdowns, and Not The Ones That We All High-Five About Oh My God They Scored Again

Offensive Coordinator at Illinois: Vice President of You’ll Laugh, You’ll Cry, and Then You’ll Cry. And Then You’ll Cry Some More

Head Coach at LSU: Lead Sod Consumption Representative and Master of Microphone

Defensive Coordinator at Oregon: Lord of ‘We’re Not All That Concerned About It, Good Luck Stopping Our Offense’ in Command

Offensive Coordinator at Georgia Tech: Lead Chop Block and ACL Destruction Planner

Quarterbacks Coach at UCLA: Director of Depth Chart Management and Injury Consultant

Head Coach at Texas A&M: The Mike Sherman Director of 45 Minutes, and ONLY 45 Minutes