10 Ebay Sports Items You Don't Want to Bid on
As a society, a nation, a culture, and as a planet, we love sports.
Few things bond people together like watching our favorite players cross home plate after a walk-off home run, catching a Hail Mary pass with a few precious seconds left, shooting a game-winning buzzer-beater, or sinking the 20-foot putt on the 18th green.
Fathers and sons, grandparents and grandchildren—generations coming together to cheer on our favorite athletes.
We've seen The Babe, Jordan, Gretzky, The Golden Bear, and all of the finest of what the sporting world can offer us. Icons whose timeless performances when the intense pressure is on make us believe, from young to old, that we can hit that home run, shoot that three-pointer, or dive into the end zone to the roar of the adoring crowd.
Amongst all this feel-good Kumbaya mushiness, it's easy to forget that the sporting world is a business, a very popular business.
A rule of thumb about life: You can bet your bottom dollar that when something is popular, there’s someone trying to make a quick buck off of it.
To top it off, the choices are endless in the sports memorabilia arena. One can spend a pretty penny for a Ted Williams rookie card, or 50 cents for a used Glacier Frost Gatorade bottle that Dennis Rodman guzzled from.
If you're an avid collector, a rabid fan, or just your average Joe looking to hang a poster on your wall, there's an item for you out there.
Rest assured though, if you're looking for a good laugh, there's also something for you out there as well. Some sporting items are flat-out hilarious, and some are downright oddball.
The next time you're endlessly scouting the internet for your favorite team's swag, just beware—you may want to keep your wallet closed when approached with these off-the-wall items.
1. Michael Vick Ceiling Fan Cord
Current Price: $6.97
Current Bids: 0
Perfect gift for: Your stuck-in-2002 buddy who wants to make his man-cave scream out "eternal bachelor" even more
One day, someone took a look at their old Starting Lineup figure and thought, "this thing would look great hanging in the middle of my living room!" One glued-on cord later, and you now have this monstrosity to pull on for those balmy summer afternoons.
Unfortunately, sales of this item have been a little, "ruff", err... rough.
2. Pittsburgh Pirates Blue Wooden Easter Egg
Current Price: $7.20
Current Bids: 0
Perfect Gift For: The Pirates fan who feels the team hasn't laid enough eggs over the past 20 years as it is
You thought the omelets at Denny's tasted like sawdust...
A strange idea, incorrect colors, and high price tag make for a head-scratcher of an auction. An item truly destined to walk the plank.
Q: What do you call the rabbit that hides this wooden Bucs egg every Easter?
A: "Bobby Bunnyia"
3. Tonya Harding's High School Yearbook
Current Price: $99.99
Current Bids: 0
Perfect Gift For: Tonya Harding's mom
- In the early 2000's, Tonya Harding boxed professionally in a women's boxing league.
- In the late 1990's, Tonya Harding had so many run-ins with the law that she ended up on the local police department's Christmas card list.
- In the early 1990's, Tonya Harding infamously took part in the planning of an attack on her then-rival, American Olympic medal-winning ice skater Nancy Kerrigan.
- In the mid 1980's, Tonya Harding briefly attended high school in Milwaukie, Oregon.
For a cool Benjamin Franklin, now you can relive the most boring of that timeline. Nope, not the boxing. Believe it or not, someone is actually crazy enough to part with Harding's 1986 yearbook from her freshman year in high school. Bizarrely enough, she was voted "Least likely to attack a fellow skater".
4. Brian Bosworth "The Land of Boz" Poster
Current Price: $120.00 (or best offer)
Current Bids: 1 offer, rejected
Perfect Gift For: Someone who doesn't need a heart or courage, but most certainly a brain.
Brian Bosworth had a successful collegiate career, hair like Bart Simpson, and a three-year lackluster stint as a linebacker for the Seattle Seahawks. His time in the pros may have been short-lived, but worry not Boz fans, now this outspoken and colorful character can now awkwardly live on forever on your bedroom wall.
The seller of the poster advises prospective bidders that, "The Boz is still extremely popular, so get this while you can!".
So, on the plus side, apparently time machines do exist.
5. John Rocker Cleveland Indians T-Shirt
Current Price: $40.00
Current Bids: 0
Perfect Gift For: John Rocker
If there’s one thing retired Atlanta Braves closer John Rocker is remembered for, besides his racist and homophobic remarks that prompted a battery monsoon to rain upon him, it was his half-season spent on the Cleveland Indians.
To say Rocker wasn't really a stand-out member of the Tribe is quite an understatement.
A John Rocker shirt for $40 seems like a tough sale. It's safe to assume the eventual owner of this won't be sporting it in the Big Apple anytime soon, but with a plus-five ERA and losing record, it won't win you too many friends in Cleveland either.
6. 2001 Magnetic Schedule from XFL Team, Orlando Rage
Current Price: $2.00
Current Bids: 10 originally available, 7 (shockingly) sold
Perfect Gift For: Football fans with amnesia
Gridiron fans everywhere should actually thank WWE head honcho Vince McMahon, creator of the XFL. He went through the trouble of creating an alternative football league for us in case that unpredictable NFL didn't end up lasting.
Talk about an unnecessary league though. In a world where the Lingerie Football League didn't make it, it's no surprise this poor man's amped-up Arena Football League was sacked from the get-go.
If you're itching to relieve the salad days of the Orlando Rage, this magnet is just what the doctor ordered.
Honestly though, what did your refrigerator ever do to you to deserve having this schedule stuck to the front of it?
7. Mark McGwire Hamburger Helper Baseball Card
Current Price: $12.99 (or best offer)
Current Bids: 0
Perfect Gift For: Someone looking for a companion piece to their Sammy Sosa Cheerios box
Mark McGwire, alleged user of the "home run helper," was lucky enough to end up on the back of this package of Hamburger Helper. A real "juiced-up" meal. The seller was even considerate enough to include the cooking instructions as well, in case you "misremembered" how to prepare it if Clemens ever pops by for a bite sometime.
Perfect for giving your mom a "Bash Brothers" high five after a delicious dinner.
8. Lot of "Shaq-Fu" Trading Cards
Current Price: $99.00
Current Bids: 0 (shocker)
Perfect Gift For: The "Shaq-Fu" fan who has everything
The NBA's resident gentle giant, Shaquille O' Neal, is really a jack of all trades. He was a basketball superstar, tried his giant hand at rapping, and most frightening of all, acted alongside Nick Nolte.
Possibly Shaq's most unusual foray into the realms of media was his 1994 inter-dimensional fighting video game, "Shaq-Fu."
Unfortunately for Shaq, the video-game buying public remembered that he was popular for playing basketball and not awkward ninjutsu. The game missed the rim like one of his trademark free-throws.
Admittedly, there's better ways to spend nearly one hundred dollars. There's actual real rookie cards from O' Neal available on eBay for less after all.
Just think of these as a pile of mini-coasters instead, and it's actually a steal of a deal.
9. "Doin' Time with O.J." Comic Book
Current Price: $3.31
Current Bids: 0 bids
Perfect Gift For: Kato Kaelin
This summer, comic book superhero films are all the rage at the box office. The Avengers is breaking silver-screen records left and right, The Amazing Spiderman is sure to be a web-slinging smash, and The Dark Knight Rises is one of the most anticipated films in years.
To the creators of this O.J. Simpson comic book—you really missed out on a great opportunity.
Take one part O.J., one part The Noid, and one part Rob Zombie film, put it in a blender, throw it in a printer, and you'll have three bucks you'll never see again.
This horrifying thing will stay bidless till the end of time.
10. Mike Tyson vs. Evander Holyfield: "Ear Bite" Poster
Current Price: $13.80
Current Bid: 10 + available, 1 sold
Perfect Gift For: People of poor taste, potential cannibals, guys who like both sports and Saw a little too much
To be fair, Mike Tyson eats a lot of things on a daily basis that aren't ears.
If Iron Mike nibbles on a turkey sandwich or strawberry Fruit Roll-Up, no one snaps a picture of it for a poster, but one chomp of Evander Holyfield's ear, and the flashbulbs go off like the Rockefeller Center Tree.
It's safe to say this may be one of the more unsettling photos to display in your home, plus there's very few colors to paint your wall that will match it.
Good luck trying to explain this purchase on a first date.