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Tyler Hansbrough: A Day in the Life of Superman

Glenn Petty by Analyst Written on February 01, 2009
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There are actually basketball fans out there who don't think Tyler Hansbrough can play.

Never mind the Player of the Year awards and the records broken and about to be broken; there are those who maintain he is overrated, he throws himself in front of defenders to draw "phantom" fouls and that he travels on every other play.

Of course, they wouldn't say that if he played for their team... However, with that in mind, and in an attempt to clarify what Psycho T is all about, we decided to chronicle Hansbrough’s entire day Saturday, when the Heels ultimately defeated in-state rival N.C. State.

 

EARLY HOURS

Hansbrough got up at 4:30 am, brushed his teeth, put on his sweats, and went to the gym, where he shot 600 jump shots and 800 free throws. He took one three-pointer and swished it, which would explain why he confidently shot two (making one) later during the game against N.C. State.

Then he lifted weights for three hours and grabbed a quick whirlpool and shower. On his way back home, Hansbrough rescued Mr. Dingleheimer’s cat from a tree.

Hansbrough changed into jeans and a Vote For Pedro T-shirt and headed down to the Chapel Hill Soup Kitchen, where he served breakfast to some less fortunate Duke and N.C. State grads currently down on their luck.

On his way he stopped by the coach’s house and got a bowl down from a high shelf that Mrs. Williams couldn’t reach.

He left the soup kitchen, and stopped off at Boy Scout Troop 10, where he gave a guest lecture titled, “Turning Awkwardness Into Awesomeness.”

Back at his place for his pregame ritual, Hansbrough did some Yoga, polished off a few plates of ostrich and sushi, and then proceeded to retype his paper on “Photoelectric Effect and Blackbody Radiation As It Relates to the Space Time Continuum.” He put some Derek Trucks Band on his iPod and headed off to Raleigh.

 

PRE-GAME

Hansbrough gets taped.

Hansbrough gets dressed.

Hansbrough warms up.

Hansbrough scopes out all the hot chicks while warming up and reciting Zen poetry.

 

THE GAME

20:00 Tyler Hansbrough scowls at all the N.C. State players, the refs and everybody in the RBC Center.

19:13 Tyler Hansbrough missed Two Point Jumper.

11:56 Tyler Hansbrough made Two Point Jumper.

10:54 Tyler Hansbrough made Two Point Layup. Assisted by Wayne Ellington.

7:22 Tyler Hansbrough missed Two Point Jumper.

6:14 Tyler Hansbrough Defensive Rebound.

5:47 Tyler Hansbrough missed Two Point Jumper.

5:30 Foul on Tyler Hansbrough.

4:52 Tyler Hansbrough made Two Point Layup. Assisted by Danny Green.

4:52 Tyler Hansbrough made Free Throw.

3:02 Tyler Hansbrough made Two Point Jumper.

2:00 Tyler Hansbrough missed Two Point Layup.

1:03 Tyler Hansbrough made Two Point Jumper.

0:45 Tyler Hansbrough Defensive Rebound.

0:45 TYLER HANSBROUGH TELLS BOBBY FRASOR THAT HE “MADE A STINKY” IN FRONT OF THE N.C. STATE CHEERLEADERS.

SECOND HALF

19:20 Tyler Hansbrough made Free Throw.

19:20 Tyler Hansbrough made Free Throw.

18:08 Tyler Hansbrough made Two Point Jumper. Assisted by Danny Green.

15:05 Tyler Hansbrough made Two Point Jumper. Assisted by Bobby Frasor.

14:30 Tyler Hansbrough Offensive Rebound.

14:27 Tyler Hansbrough made Two Point Dunk Shot.

13:11 Tyler Hansbrough Block.

12:23 Tyler Hansbrough made Two Point

9:12 Tyler Hansbrough Offensive Rebound.

9:10 Tyler Hansbrough made Two Point Dunk Shot.

7:12 Tyler Hansbrough Defensive Rebound.

7:02 Tyler Hansbrough missed Free Throw.

7:02 Tyler Hansbrough made Free Throw.

4:00 Tyler Hansbrough made Two Point Jumper.

2:30 Tyler Hansbrough made Three Point Jumper. Assisted by Ty Lawson.

1:37 Tyler Hansbrough missed Three Point Jumper.

1:29 Tyler Hansbrough Defensive Rebound.

1:08 Tyler Hansbrough made Free Throw.

1:08 Tyler Hansbrough made Free Throw.

0:45 TYLER HANSBROUGH TELLS BOBBY FRASOR THAT HE STEPPED ON BEN MCCAULEY’S TOES ON PURPOSE. THIS CAUSED MCCAULEY TO COMMITT AN INTENTIONAL FOUL ON MIKE COPELAND.

CHAOS ENSUED.

GAME OVER.

 

POSTGAME PRESS CONFERENCE
Tyler Hansbrough thanks his teammates, his coaches, the fans and everyone in Poplar Buff, MO for their support.

 

BUS RIDE HOME

Tyler Hansbrough entertains his teammates with a reading of James Joyce’s Two Gallants. He explains to them that he and Bobby Frasor are the “gallants.”

 

BACK HOME

Tyler Hansbrough has dinner followed by some milk and cookies, and calls it a day...

 

(Photos by Robert Willett, Ethan Hyman/Raleigh News & Observer)

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written on February 01, 2009 Humor

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