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Vanderbilt: Bail on The Moron-Laden SEC!

GogolsNoseContributor IJanuary 31, 2009

Anybody who loves following crappy sports teams as much as I do knows that Vanderbilt has this uncanny, consistent knack for fielding the most pathetic (albeit very well-dressed) football teams.  Wow! You guys were 6-6 and won a bowl game (the first in 500 years); You're Awesome!!  (dorky fist pump)

You guys are the only school (aside from Columbia) where a 6-6 record is lauded as an incredible achievement.  Seriously, rooting for Vanderbilt in the SEC is like rooting for the Special Olympics kid in a 100-yard dash (running the wrong direction) with leg prosthetics and clackety arm crutches.  Go, Vandy, Gooooo!!!  You can do it!!

Any rational Vanderbilt fan knows that their wonderful university will never truly, be athletically competitive in the SEC (their 50-year football win/loss record speaks volumes).  And for obvious reasons...they are competing in an academically inferior conference--the SEC, which boasts a bevy of state schools with clownish academic standards.

The average 6-foot-6, 320-lb. gorilla chugging around the gridiron for the University of Arkansas or "The Tide" has an SAT score in the cellar, and probably won't graduate.  So trying to compete with these oafs, although admirable, is insane.

It's not a coincidence that every SEC school begs to play Vanderbilt for their respective homecoming games.  If you wanna be a butch for the weekend, Vanderbilt makes the ideal bitch.  A guaranteed W.  Break out the Whoop-Ass. 

I look at it this way: if the SEC were a prison, Vanderbilt would be the dazed, wobbly-kneed guy staggering around the yard, with an enormous hole in the back of his raggedy pants...and a sign taped to his back that says "Love You Long Time."

Vanderbilt can't compete athletically in a state-school, moron conference like the SEC, so why does it even try?


(for a solution to Vanderbilt's predicament, please read article on the new "Magnolia League".)

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