The Doctor's Weekly WWE Raw Recap: The 142 Things We Learned, Loved and Hated

The Doctor Chris Mueller@@BR_DoctorFeatured ColumnistMay 15, 2012

Images property of WWE and BBC
Images property of WWE and BBC

I wanted to start off by letting everyone know that there will not be a recap list for this Friday's SmackDown.

I will be standing up in my close friend Jason's wedding and all the groomsmen and I are taking a little weekend vacation with Jason to a cabin near Wisconsin Dells for a bachelor party weekend of gambling, golf and gin-based drinks.

I will try to do a recap list for Over the Limit, but it all depends on when we get back that Sunday as to whether or not I will be able to do it.

I can't say thank you enough to the people who come here each week to read the ludicrous things I come up with and take the time to comment. I am working on something special for you guys as a way to say thank you.

Until I get everything worked out, I cannot reveal any details, but I think it is something everyone will be really excited about. It will go way beyond simply giving shout-outs to the occasional winner of a prediction contest.

I truly appreciate my loyal readers, but for those of you who are new, each week I recap Raw with a long list.

The entries are made up of equal parts humor, recap, play-by-play, revelations, speculations, questions, answers and anything else I notice during the show. I sometimes comment on commercials, too, just because I get bored during them.

Every week, I put in a little game or two to make things a little more fun. Last Friday I decided to bring back the nickname game in honor of the ridiculous teal/aqua colored attire Darren Young and Titus O'Neill wore in Friday's match. Please vote in the poll for your favorite choice.

Each week I hear from people in the comments section who are spread throughout the globe. People from Chile to U.A.E. to Australia to Japan and everywhere in between have dropped in and said hello.

I am curious to know how many different places are being reached by B/R and the writers here, so if you could mention which country you live in when you comment I would greatly appreciate it.

On the next recap I will give a list of the countries so everyone can see how the WWE audience is truly a global community.

If you are not a B/R member you can either sign-up in less than a minute or log in with a Facebook account to leave a comment.

I try and interject some fun into these lists, so I hope you have fun reading this week's list of the 142 things we learned, loved and hated from the show.

1. The show opens with Triple H backstage with a huge arm brace.
2. John Laurinaitis tries to claim ignorance on Brock Lesnar attacking Triple H.
3. JL says Trips has his support and sympathy and Triple H says he will respond when he is out in the ring.
4. Triple H pours salt in the wound by saying "Good luck against John Cena on Sunday."
5. Either the sound sucks right now or the pop for Triple H is not nearly as big as usual.
6. Triple H starts by saying that he was more offended by Brock Lesnar saying he was going to bring legitimacy to the WWE than he is about being injured.
7. Say what you will about Triple H, but he is damn good on the mic.
8. Awesome! A Bob Backlund reference from Triple H.
9. How do long hashtags like #TimeToPlayTheGame trend? Something that long defeats the purpose of Twitter being for short bursts of information, doesn't it?
10. Wow. I am a little surprised at how Triple H is talking about Brock Lesnar quitting when the tough got going considering how WWE wants to portray him.
11. I like how Hunter is putting over John Cena for beating Brock Lesnar.
12. Brock's music hits but Paul Heyman comes out instead.
13. Another weak reaction for Heyman.
14. He starts talking about how Triple H is spinning the story because he lost his "biggest star."
15. Heyman is making this into a legal matter.
16. Wow! Heyman says, "You bring a fighter into an entertainment company and you are surprised when he wants to fight?"
17. The fact that Heyman actually acknowledged the difference between the two must have been an ad-lib because I don't think Vince would have liked that line had he seen it on paper ahead of time.
18. I guess Heyman is on a long leash when it comes to his promos. It's probably the best thing to do because like most good talkers, he is probably better off the top of his head then he is off a script.
19. Haha. Heyman makes light of Triple H's broken arm and Trips smacks the mic out of his hand, grabs him by the face and backs Heyman into a corner.
20. Heyman is saying, "Don't do it." and Triple H backs off.
21. Hunter turns back, throws the paperwork back at Heyman and says, "Lesnar is going to get everything he deserves."
22. Heyman says he is going to sue Triple H for assault and battery after Triple H put his hands on him.
23. Hahahahahaha. Someone must have rushed the ring because Jerry Lawler looks at someone and says "Get him" and then he and Michael Cole watch what happens for a few seconds before speaking again.
24. I know the MLB has a pretty hefty punishment for people who rush the field during games. I wonder what WWE does to people who do it? It is probably a more severe punishment if it happens during a live event on television or PPV than it is during a house show.
25. CM Punk's music comes on and he comes out to a big ovation.

26. He gets an introduction, so I guess he is in the first match tonight. Not a bad way to start the show.
27. Whenever I see Lord Tensai with the green stuff all over his tongue and his bald head shining in the lights I have flashbacks to George "The Animal" Steele ripping the turnbuckles off with his teeth and hitting on Miss Elizabeth. Good times.
28. I have a friend with the last name Steele and I told him that if he ever has a son, he has to name it George or I won't acknowledge his existence. I'm bluffing, but I think it would be hilarious if he did it, especially since he is not a wrestling fan and has no idea who George Steele is.
29. Wait! Is Santino Punk's partner?
30. I guess so. This is a little bit of an odd pairing, but it could be entertaining if they have any chemistry.
31. Cody Rhodes is out next, followed by Daniel Bryan.
32. I find it very believable that Michael Cole has a framed picture of himself as "WWE's Jerk of the Month" in his office like he says he does.
33. Rhodes and Punk start things off.
34. A singles feud between these two is not far off. I say within a year they will be having a match at a PPV. I just see them having the right combination of different styles and talent to have a classic feud if done right. Rhodes is the future of this company, trust me on that.
35. Punk throws Rhodes towards the corner because he wants Bryan to tag in.
36. Punk throws both Rhodes and Bryan over the top rope and then takes out both with a suicide dive.
37. Santino goes to do the same thing but gets caught on the middle rope—purposely, of course.
38. I would have marked out if Santino did a good suicide dive. He is a very capable competitor who has never been allowed to show his real talent in WWE. Watch some of his developmental matches on YouTube and you will see that he is actually a good wrestler who got stuck with a comedy gimmick very early on in his run.
39. I do not normally care what is trending, but seeing "#ItsClobberinTime" trend worldwide makes me smile. I like that Punk references The Thing every time he comes to the ring.
40. Rhodes is firmly in control of Santino when we return from break.
41. Bryan tags in and starts punishing Santino.
42. Rhodes and Bryan make a good combination now that I see them together. Their attires sort of mesh and they are both incredibly talented heels.
43. Santino tries to dive for a tag and comes up short. Rhodes actually laughs at him from across the ring. Looked intentional, but it was still funny.
44. Punk ends up getting the tag and starts working over Rhodes while watching Daniel Bryan every step of the way.
45. Bryan tries to attack Punk but almost gets a GTS and bails instead.
46. Rhodes almost runs into a Cobra and turns to get a GTS, giving Punk and Santino the win.
47. I liked that match a lot. Everyone pulled their weight and I did not see anyone screw anything up, at least not by accident.
48. Alicia Fox is in the ring for the next match.
49. Beth Phoenix comes out next and the crowd is just dead for all of this.
50. The most movement in the crowd are people trying to be seen waving their arms on camera.

51. Layla comes out on the ramp to scout the match.
52. Beth is in control as she gets Fox in a military press position while she stares Layla down.
53. Beth hits a Glam Slam for the quick win as Layla looks a little worried about the possibility of facing the Glamazon.
54. Beth picks up Fox to attack her after the match and Layla runs down to make the save.
55. So is Layla using Michelle McCool's music? I thought she had her own music before she got injured?
56. I know she has used this music since she returned, but I think she should have something different from when she was in a heel team.
57. A recap of Big Show making fun of John Laurinaitis is shown, so we must be getting their showdown pretty soon.
58. Kane vs. Big Show and Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton are advertised for tonight's show as well. Jericho vs. Orton should be awesome if no one from their match on Sunday tries to run in and ruin it.
59. Holy Cow! Is that the New Jersey tanning mom behind Michael Cole? Seriously, is anyone else seeing the really, really tan woman with the blond hair right behind Cole? If you have DVR go back and watch it, you will see her when Cole is talking about the Over The Limit pre-show match.
60. More replays of Big Show and John Laurinaitis' feud are being shown. I am not sure I get why this feud is being covered so much before the actual encounter takes place.
61. I am happy to see David Otunga back with John Laurinaitis as they come down to the ring. I hope his family was able to get some sense of relief from the guilty verdict in the Hudson family case.
62. Big Show is out after another commercial, followed by No. 88 for the Chicago BlackHawks, Patrick Kane!
62.5. Does that one need explaining? I am making a Hockey joke due to Kane's big mask he wears during his entrance and my home team happens to have a player with the last name Kane.
63. Kane takes control early on.
64. Big Show ends up getting the advantage and John Laurinaitis interrupts the match to ask for an apology.
65. Kane ends up hitting a chokeslam to get the win off of JL's distraction.
66. After the match John Laurinaitis goes in the ring and demands his apology from a beaten Big Show.
67. Show says he can walk away with his head held high and have no regrets.
68. He says he loves what he does because of the looks on people's faces when he comes out to the ring.
69. He does end up apologizing and JL says he didn't hear him say it.
70. He wants Show to say it louder so everyone can hear it, and he does.
71. Johnny Ace says now Show has to get on his knees and beg him.
72. WIll Big Show still be taller than Otunga from his knees?
73. Big Show doesn't want to do it. He goes to get on his knees but gets back up and paces some more.
74. Just punch him and get it over with, Big Show.
75. Big Show begs JL not to make him get on his knees and JL says he is disgusted by Big Show.

76. He says he will reconsider Big Show's WWE status and walks away with Big Show still in the ring.
77. JL turns on the ramp and says he has already reconsidered it. He goes to announce Big Show being fired but Show stops him, drops to his knees and begs to keep his job.
78. He is crying as he tries to apologize again. This is really awkward.
79. JL says it isn't good enough and wishes Big Show the best in his future endeavors.
80. Is this a way for Big Show to take some time off or will he be back after Triple H decides to re-sign him? The answer awaits us next week on another exciting episode of Monday Night Raw.
81. I hope that you imagined that last item being read in the voice of Futurama's Calculon, because that's how I said it in my head as I typed it.
82. Brodus Clay and the Funkadactyls are out after the break.
83. So we go from crying dancing? Not even Cameron and Naomi can bring the mood up after that segment.
84. I was wrong. I felt better once they started dancing.
85. Hmmm. Clay will be teaming with Kofi Kingston and R-Truth in a six-man tag match. And, of course, Little Jimmy is accompanying Truth.
86. Their opponents are Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger and The Miz. This could be an interesting match if given the proper amount of time.
87. I hope Miz faces Clay at OTL and gives him his first loss since debuting as The Funkasaurus.
88. Swagger and Truth start out with Truth using his quickness to get the advantage and tag in Clay.
89. Damn! Clay pushed Ziggler into the air from a standing position and he got just as high as Miz got when he took a leap from the top rope.
90. Ziggler's athleticism is ridiculous. WHY IS NO ONE PUSHING THIS GUY?
91. I'm talking to you, Runjin Singh. Oh, what? You didn't think I knew you were the lead creative writer for Raw? I know everything, I'm the Doctor.
92. Perfect example of what I was talking about. We come back from commercial and Ziggler is doing a headstand/headlock on Truth. No one else would even think to do that and Ziggler does it, creating instant proof of why his "Show Off" moniker is appropriate.
93. Miz and Kofi end up getting tagged in and Kofi uses his speed to get the better of Miz and hit the S.O.S. for a near fall.
94. After some mayhem Kofi ends up hitting Trouble in Paradise and Clay hits his big splash to get the win for his team.
95. All the winners dance in the ring to Clay's music.
96. Alex Riley sighting! He is walking with Punk backstage, joking about Bryan calling his hold the Yes Lock.
97. I guess they are the best of friends after Riley helped Punk fool Jericho. Punk makes some comment about Riley owing him $50.
98. AJ runs up and tries to talk to Punk, but Punk says he wants to stay out of their personal issues.
99. Ha. He calls her unstable and walks off. Accurate, but still funny.
100. Sheamus is out next to watch Orton vs. Jericho from commentary.

101. Am I the only one who usually loves when wrestlers sit in on commentary? If they are already decent on the mic, then it is usually interesting.
102. Orton gets a big pop from the crowd when he comes out. I wonder why this crowd has seemed dead for a lot of other people who usually get good reactions.
103. Back and forth action in the early part of the match until Orton takes control with a great standing dropkick.
104. Jericho talks some trash to Sheamus before he throws Orton right into him at ringside.
105. Orton takes back control with a rope-hung DDT, but Sheamus pulls Jericho from the ring to attack him, causing a disqualification for Orton.
106. Sheamus and Orton have words at ringside and Orton challenges Sheamus to a fight in the ring right now, and Sheamus is game.
107. They go in the ring and square off but a bunch of officials come down to separate them.
108. For once, two guys mutually agree to a fight without cheap-shotting each other first, and WWE wants to stop them?
109. Trying to make sense out of WWE logic is like trying to teach a fish to walk sometimes.
110. Where is Eve? Michael Cole is reading one of her tweets again and I really think that having her appear in person is better for business than having Michael Cole's ugly mug reading her orders.
111. Eve says that Orton and Sheamus will have a match on SmackDown since they can't stay out of each others business.
112. Johnny Ace comes out again and says that he wants to do what Big Show couldn't—say he is sorry.
113. He is sorry if John Cena is everyone's favorite superstar because it makes them all losers.
114. Trust me, Funkman, Cena is not everyone's favorite superstar.
115. JL makes the bold claim of being better than The Rock and Brock Lesnar combined.
116. John Cena comes out to a mixed—but mostly positive—reaction.
117. Cena sniffs Laurinaitis and then makes a joke about being able to smell desperation.
118. Cena mocks his voice and then asks if he is going to be fired, too.
119. What did they bleep? I couldn't read Cena's lips and it could have been a number of things.
120. Cena is trying to be as annoying as possible to JL, and Cole and Lawler are laughing their butts off at his antics.
121. He won't let Johnny talk without saying "loser" over everything he says while encouraging him to try and speak.
122. Cena polls the audience to see who would want to hit Laurinaitis, and pretty much everyone in attendance raises both hands.
123. Some more of Cena's usual promo stuff to get the crowd fired up by mentioning a home team.
124. Hahahaha. I love how Johnny says, "I was going to refer to the Pittsburgh Penguins in my promo later on, so you just stole my stuff."
125. Cena asks him what his reference would have been.

126. Ace says he was going to call them losers.
127. Cena just made an Ernest Hemingway reference!
128. So Eve is here after all. She comes down while JL is trying to act tough to Cena.
129. She looks worried and tells him something in his ear before he looks at a piece of paper she gave him.
130. Cena grabs it from him and starts to read it.
131. It's from the Board of Directors.
132. Did Cena just make fun of the fact that a lot of wrestlers change their names? Nice.
133. Cena says that the match will be one-on-one with no special stipulations against Cena, and anyone who tries to run in will be fired.
134. It also says if JL loses, he will be fired. Is that just his GM position or his Executive Vice President position as well?
135. Before JL can leave, Cena reminds us that we were promised some big announcement from him.
136. Cena makes a joke about Laurinaitis selling ShamWows and JL smacks Cena and walks away.
137. The show ends with Cole speculating on whether or not Over the Limit will be the end of anyone's career in WWE.
138. Pretty good show. No real weak segments stick out in my mind, although there were certainly some things that could have been improved.
139. On an unrelated note, I hope the person who made the call to cancel 30 Rock after the fall season airs rethinks their decision. Thursdays would not feel the same without Tina Fey's brilliance and Alec Baldwin's talent rounding out The Office, Community and Parks and Rec.
140. God knows Whitney can't fill that void.
141. I know it was yesterday but Happy Mother's Day, Mom, and to all the moms out there.
142. Since I won't be doing a recap this Friday I wanted to do this now. Macho Man Randy Savage died May 20th of last year. In honor of him I included a clip of Savage fighting Spiderman in what is possibly the best cameo by a wrestler in any film ever made. Rest in Peace Randall Mario Poffo.

Thanks for reading and feel free to share your thoughts and additions to the list below. Also, please remember to let me know if you are commenting from outside of the


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