Arkansas-Alabama: Running Diary

“In skating over thin ice, our safety is in our speed.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

“If there’s a problem, yo I’ll solve it.  Check out the hook while the DJ revolves it.”
Vanilla Ice

Northwest Arkansas is frozen tonight.  The air itself is an icy, foggy mist.  Light is refracting strangely, with distant streetlights sparkling and expanding in my vision. 

For some reason all my senses seem clean and sharp, I feel the cold and taste the air.  I can see forever. 

Getting out of the car, I hit a patch of ice with my first step and suddenly my feet are in the air and I land on my backside with an inorganic THUD.  Slush creeps into my pants and I’m pretty sure the fall has pulled my jeans down just a little bit.  I am flashing a deathly pale hint of frozen butt crack. 

My date is standing over me, hugging herself to control her convulsions of laughter.  She is giggling so hard I fear she might wet herself. 

Fayetteville and the UA campus really do look like a theme park of sorts.  My father is giddy about the weather and I worry he may take off like an excited puppy to frolic in the ice-covered limbs. We may need to bump the dose on his medication.

Everywhere there are overburdened trees, limbs bending and sagging under the weight of the ice.  The campus reminds me of a Christmas tree lot with all of the merchandise covered with that fake white snow.  This makes me think of powdered donuts and I am suddenly kinda hungry. 

My father actually does a slow twirl with his arms outstretched, saying something about a “Winter Wonderland.”  My mother, his wife of 46 years, is moving crab-like away from him, appearing to reassess the past half century.  I ask Dad if dementia is as fun as he makes it seem.  He doesn’t find me amusing.

We are early for the game.  The roads were not nearly as bad as expected.  My mom, who works in Fayetteville, seems vaguely disappointed that we didn’t have a near fatal accident on the way up to meet her.  She has been babbling about the treacherous ice for two days and we are mocking her caution.

We are brave explorers and cannot be stopped by mere weather calamity.  I mention to my date that I think my undies have actually frozen and that this is leading to a friction rash.

Bama is on tap tonight.  They just canned their coach and quite frankly they don’t have the look of a real contender.  They have some nice players. Alonzo Gee and JaMychael Green are both excellent players with even more excellent names. 

But we all know that the college game is determined by guards, and I really don’t know what the Tide has to offer in that area.

I am troubled as I watch the Hogs warm up.  Stef persists with his headband that is clearly jinxed.  Worse, Jason Henry has added a headband and he is wearing it low on the forehead like Michael Washington.  It’s not a good look. 

Mostly it serves to draw attention to two small circular bald patches in his scalp.  It looks like he has mange or maybe someone put a couple cigarettes out on his noggin.

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