Orioles Owner Angelos Blows Doughnuts

GogolsNoseContributor IJanuary 29, 2009



Years ago, I was in a car with my brother and a friend pulling into this 7-11 when suddenly it was announced on the radio that Jerry Garcia from the Grateful Dead had just passed away.  

My brother (a punk-rocker, and not the most politically correct guy in the world) immediately jumped up and burst out-- totally ecstatic: "Thank God that f-ing guy is finally dead!!"  Seriously, he did a salute to the heavens. Then he added, as he went in to get his hot dog, "I had to listen to that guy's crappy music at high school parties forever."

Now, I've never wished for anybody's death (still don't), but the death of Peter Angelos sure comes close on the fake-death wish list. Seriously, it would be the best thing that ever happened to the Orioles in the last 20 years.  

Anybody with half a cranium knows that the American League East is a two-team race, completely dominated by Boston and New York. New York has a gazillion-fabillion dollars because of TV money to buy the best team, and Boston has Theo Epstein, who makes up for money with brains to select cheaper players with potential who kick ass. And don't gimme a bunch a crap about the Devil Rays (who nobody cares about, and should be unceremoniously kicked out of the classy AL East).

Know why?  Because Angelos doesn't give a rat's behind if the Orioles suck or not. The guy's a class-action trial attorney... not a sports fan. Seriously, I see the shuckster injury-lawsuit ads all over the country for his law practice; he's gone national.  As long as that Bozo makes money, he doesn't care what happens with the Orioles. And Baltimoreans are such hopelessly romantic, lovable suckers, and will still go to the games, and buy tickets just to listen to John Denver in the seventh inning.

I remember when the Orioles didn't blow; It was awesome. They had the crappiest stadium in the world... but the team was good.  Now it's the opposite... the stadium rocks, and the team is a joke. Where is Earl Weaver racing out of the dugout, turning his hat backwards and kicking dust on the umpire and home plate?  Where's Boog Powell? Jim Palmer? Brooksie? Bumbry? Murray? 

So, please, God, Pleeeeeeeazzzz, if you exist, please get rid of Darth Vader Angelos. Somehow.  The lawyer has more money than God, and nobody has enough dough to outbuy this monkey, and throw the insouciant, uncaring doofus out on his ear.

I'm just sayin'.  :-)