The first was a video game-esque goal. He had enough time to lift the ball with his foot and rifle it into the net on the volley with his weaker left. It's a shame we call it his weaker foot, such an accomplished finish it was.
The second was, well, what can I say? I think nothing in words can do justice to that insane piece of magic. If you consider where the man was standing when he pulled the trigger, you'd be forgiven for thinking he was more likely to hit the corner flag. Then what the heck was the ball doing in the goal? Tell you what, he meant every inch of it.
Those of you who didn't tune in to Wednesday night football likely haven't a clue what I'm talking about. Nonetheless, join me in celebrating the Senegalese sensation that is Papiss Demba Cissé.
The Newcastle man put paid to Chelsea's hopes of a top four finish, while keeping the men from Tyneside in with a chance of doing so themselves. As one of the commentators appropriately said, yesterday's double is finest a gaffer can expect from his frontman.
I'm sure all the smart people out there have had him on their Fantasy Premier League for some time already. You probably don't need me to tell you that even prior to last night's exploits, he was worthy of his spot on your team.
If 13 goals in 12 appearances to follow up his scoring record with Freiburg isn't enough to make the whole league sit up and take notice, what is?
And it's not just the statistics that amaze the fans: The quality of his finishes delight in equal measure.
Some wondrous moments of class have have helped Mr Cissé endear himself to the Geordie faithful. One starts to wonder if the Magpies have their hands on the next Alan Shearer. This claim may be a bit premature, but no other striker at Newcastle has come this close to delighting the fans the way the grand man Shearer did.
Brought in to share goal-scoring duties with another fan favorite, Demba Ba, Cissé seems to have made that responsibility exclusively his.
Then again, I wouldn't want to take anything away from Alan Pardew either. The man must be praised not just for his tactical nous, but also for his business acumen.
Ba, Yohan Cabaye and Davide Santon are some shrewd acquisitions he has made in his time at Newcastle, but Cissé at £10 million has proven to be the ultimate steal. Could Pardew possibly have gotten a better bargain in the current economic climate?
Cissé is the complete package, I feel. He's got the speed, the deft touch, the finesse. His aerial prowess and tireless running should not be forgotten either. He may not be the strongest you may have seen, but he's no pushover either.
The bloke is just 26, and if he can maintain this kind of an insane scoring record and spend his best years (read: next six or seven) in the Premier League, I wouldn't be surprised if he is one day mentioned in the same breath as Henry, Bergkamp, Shearer, Andy Cole, Drogba and other greats.
We will then surely look back and tell the next generation: You don't know what you have missed. You have missed the phenomenon that was Papiss Demba Cissé.
My predictions regarding Cissé's potential stature in the Premier League may prove to be utter codswallop some years down the line. But I prefer not to worry about that and have time tell the story.
Like the new article format? Send us feedback!