Jerry Buss Should Comp Me a Luxury Box at All Laker Home Games

Walter SimonsenCorrespondent IJanuary 29, 2009

This year. I have been to all but five Laker home games this season.  

I must admit, being a musician and having ties to the house band at Staples Center really helps out when you are a lifetime Laker fan like myself.  

Hell, I've seen some really amazing stuff.  

I was there when Kobe scored 81.  

I saw the Lakers play the Celtics in the Finals.  I saw Kobe make not one, but two buzzer beaters in the '05-06 first round of the playoffs.  

I've seen Kobe get his MVP award, and been lucky enough to play the National Anthem on the court.  

It's been pretty amazing, something I would have never dreamed I would have been able to do.

But, I think most importantly, I'm there to do three main jobs: 1) Play music and entertain the crowd, 2) Yell like a rabid fan at the refs and opposing coaches and teams, 3) Be the Lakers lucky charm.

I have yet to be at Staples Center this year and witness a Laker loss.  Every time they lose at home, I am always unable to attend.  This includes last night's disheartening loss to the Bobcats (but let's be honest, it's not the first time).  

So, what does this mean?  Well, it means that I have a lot of pressure riding on me every day.  I mean, if I'm not there, then the Lakers have a better chance of loosing!

Now, I have no control over road games.  I mean lets be honest here, I'm only so powerful.  But, when it comes to the home court, I'm as much of an advantage as anybody.  

Sure, I couldn't do it without the help and support of other members of the Laker Band, nor without the help of Lawerence Tanter who proudly announces "live music provided by the Laker band!"  I couldn't be the rock I am without the support of the Laker nation and without the help of a beautiful 11-dollar beer that helps me come up with my fantastic quips throughout the 48-minute experience.  

But, after seeing my own personal Laker record and how it affects not only the team, but lets face it, all of Los Angeles, I feel it's necessary for me to be at all of the Laker home games.

Heck, why even stop there—maybe I need my own chartered jet to get me out to all of the road games.  And if that works out, maybe I can make my way up to Vice President in charge of good vibes.  I think I'm pretty damn good at sitting back in my jersey, drinking a beer, and yelling at the ref to "get a new eye doctor, cause the guy you got now must have gotten his degree in the Caribbean!"  

So Dr. Buss, the ball is now in your court.  I'm the secret weapon, and I don't even count towards the salary cap!  All I need is a luxury suite, limo service to the game, and maybe, just maybe, a chartered jet.  Also, if I could get floor seats every now and then that would be great too, but I don't want to go overboard and ask for too much.  I'm here to support the team.

In the end, I'll still be at every game possible.  You'll recognize me with my trumpet, loud profanity, and empty cup of beer.  But, if we are going to make a run, do we really want to take the chance Dr. Buss?

I'll be waiting for your phone call!