It's time to forget about the grace and grandeur of the lovely moments in sports history, because this is all about the lowlights that can get very messy. Yes, here are the ugliest temper tantrums of all time.
Amar'e Stoudemire was incensed after a loss to the Miami Heat and suddenly lost all sense of reality, making the pummeling of a glass encasing seem like a good idea.
I love temper tantrums. You can almost take the following athletes and plunk them on the floor of a Target or Walmart and the ambiance would be seamless.
They can't help but whine and shout when they don't get their way, and I am now having a giggle fest because of it.
Join me as we take a short jaunt through the annals of silliness, showing that grown men can throw the best of temper tantrums.
They have the sudden burst of entertainment like a home run, and the long-lasting impression on your psyche like a Super Bowl victory.
They are athletes losing their damn minds, and the results are hilarious.
This one seems topical even though it took place a few years ago. Delmon Young is in the news for his alleged hate crime as reported by the Associated Press (via ESPN).
Perhaps we should have seen it coming. Here he is mad-dogging an umpire and then tossing the bat at him when he is thrown out.
Kevin Brown was a magical pitcher who managed to forget how to throw a baseball in frequent spurts towards the end of his career.
One fateful day in September of 2004 saw him pick a fight with a wall (via ESPN). At least he had the good sense to throw a haymaker with his non-pitching hand.
He may have aged, but he certainly hasn't lost his fire.
Here is the legend John McEnroe having a pleasant conversation with the official in the key of utter anger.
I have never met Bobby Knight, but I will remember to never ask him for a seat. The mad genius tosses a chair with great form and swagger.
There is no better coach at losing it.
Jim Playfair takes exception to a call on the ice, and that is when he transforms into the Hulk. He breaks sticks and nearly rips every last piece of clothing off.
I am sure if there had been a small animal nearby, he would have eaten it.
Ah, but John McEnroe was far more engaging with his tirades when he was younger.
Sure, he is docked a point, but he earns it with a tongue lashing we will never forget.
I genuinely thought Brent Sapergia was about to start chucking players and fans onto the ice. I mean, how much stuff do they have behind those boards?
Dennis Green goes from about a "three" to "off the charts" in the span of one moment. He takes in this question about the Bears, chews on it for a bit and then finds it rather distasteful.
The question ruins his day and makes for one of the best press conference highlights ever recorded.
Tantrum is defined as "a sudden burst of ill temper."
Hal McRae goes from cool, calm and collected to complete maniac. He starts chucking tape recorders and fills the room with the beauty of expletives.
Please, do not ask McRae a follow-up question, ever.
Well this was stupid.
Amar'e Stoudemire felt underused and out of sorts. That is when he saw a gleaming fire extinguisher encased in glass.
When you are at your limit, the one thing you want to do is hurt something—more importantly, inanimate objects that pretty much had nothing to do with your demise.
Stoudemire is doubtful for Game 3, but leaves no doubt that he is now part of the "Bonehead Hall of Fame."
You remember Dennis Rodman, right? He played the part of NBA maniac long before Metta World Peace.
Well, here is his most vile moment: kicking a sideline cameraman. Because, you know, he was there.
Watch the most-prized quarterback prospect ever slowly devolve into an utter mess. It's way too fun to pick on Leaf, and that's precisely why we do it.
Nobody is talking to him now.
Seriously, when someone says they have a Carlos Zambrano highlight, I come running.
You just know that it's going to be something pretty awful, and you will be grinning from ear to ear through the duration.
Here is a link to the video of Big Z taking on an umpire, bumping him, tossing the ball into the outfield and then smashing the Gatorade bucket and fountain machine.
I am sure the rest of the Cubs were like, "Cool dude, we weren't thirsty anyway."
This is awesome on a number of levels. First, John Chaney can seem so even-keeled at times, but he is absolutely beside himself here.
Then comes the moment where he decides, "It's going down." That is when he wants nothing more than to get to John Calipari so he can rearrange his face, or at the very least mess up his hair.
The reason you don't see the Kenny Rogers meltdown in here is because Tim Belcher did the same, and he did it better.
The last thing he wanted to see in the tunnels was a cameraman, and he ran into a clique of them just waiting to capture Belcher's every move.
I say he just needed a hug.
(Warning: This video contains strong language.)
The beauty of minor league baseball is only helped when a manager loses his freaking mind.
Here is Phillip Wellman putting on a one-man show for the crowd, which even includes him drawing hieroglyphics in the batter's box.
This meltdown was actually beautiful from a slow-motion, building-imploding sort of way.
Please feel free to throw suggestions in the comments section, and follow me on Twitter so we can fight about it.