Athletes-endorsed products are an enigmatic paradox that has plagued me for quite sometime.
In layman's terms, athletes have long tried to attach their names to companies or products that have left us shaking our heads or wiping the tears of laughter from our eyes.
Raffy Palmeiro's Viagra advertisement a few years back was a fine case of both. Alas, seasoned slugger and seemingly impotent Palmeiro is not the only man who has made some downright dumb choices in marketing.
This brief list is a compilation of some of the more bizarre athlete endorsements of the past few decades.
It's a hot August day, and the sun beats down, as you dream of Tom Brady's UGG Boot endorsements and Roethlisberger jerky.
You sit up and slowly walk toward the nearest body of water, but you're not quite sure you want to go all the way under.
Really, there's only one thing to do — grab your David Robinson Doritos raft!
The above photo has never ceased to make me chuckle.
What was the thought process here? David Robinson was a Navy man, but the Navy seldom uses life rafts like the one pictured above (or so I've read).
I also worry about the size of the raft itself, I doubt it could hold one of the Robinson's limbs, let alone his whole body.
Shaquille O'Neal has never been shy about trying different things. He has rapped, protected and served, acted, commentated, competed and headlined an awesome 1990s video game.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you "Shaq Fu," the game that, well, gamers around the world regard as the worst fighting game ever created.
The old mantra says not to judge a book by its cover, but anyone who judged this game by the cover was rewarded with some extra time and money.
There is a website that has dedicated itself to destroying all remaining copies of the game left in existence. It's facetious to an extent, or at least, I hope.
Query of the day
What would you rather day for an hour?
A) Play several rousing rounds of Shaq Fu
B) Watch Kazam
C) Listen to Shaq's Diesel album.
D) Wait in line for Shinedown tickets?
Why in the world would Carson Palmer sign off on this? Who is his agent? Was Mark Sanchez unavailable?
How psyched was the guy who suggested they do the mustard as football laces pattern on the wiener when his idea was accepted? Is this why Palmer is no longer a Bengal? What was the runner up tag-line to "GO Long-er."
My stomach is rumbling!
While Ben Roethlisberger is high in both protein and fat, his "Super Championship Edition" jerky — whatever that means — is low fat.
With Big Ben's numerous indiscretions over the past few seasons, he is somewhat of an easy target. To be entirely honest though, any athlete who endorses his own beef product should expect a few punches and pokes.
What is the obsession with quarterbacks and meaty byproduct?
Personally, I am yet to meet a man who dons UGG Boots. Then again, I am not all that worldly and seldom spend time with society types like Tom Brady.
It's hard to take shots at Tom Brady with all the success he has had in his career, and while it's possible he can transform the UGG brand into something men will actually wear, I think this will be a tough sell.