Jon Jones and the Top 5 Fighters Most Likely to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse
Think of this as a “reboot,” to borrow a Hollywood term. I’ve currently done this list two times: one in article form, another in audio form. But the thing about it is: the fighters keep changing, and the zombies keep coming back. They’re zombies; they do that. So allow me to present to you another look into an apocalyptic future filled with fighters: here’s a revised list of the top five fighters most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse.
5. Ben Askren
Think about it: have you ever seen a Ben Askren fight? You think you did, but you can’t remember. Either you were so bored that you became a zombie yourself, or you fell asleep moments into the fight.
And that’s Askren’s greatest weapon: the ability to be 100 percent forgettable. Roaming marauders will leave him alone because they won’t remember ever meeting him. Even zombies will become so bored with him that eventually they’ll just shamble away mindlessly. Ben Askren would be an invaluable tool to any fledgling post-outbreak society… so long as they remember they have him, which may be a tougher challenge than even the zombie menace.
4. Rousimar Palhares
On an average day, Paul Harris has to struggle to contain the demon within himself. Thrust into a zombie apocalypse, Palhares could let go of his inhibitions and transform into the savior that humanity needs but doesn’t deserve.
Imagine a world where zombies can’t hurt you anymore because all their heels have been torn to shreds and all they can do is crawl weakly towards you on the floor like slimes, practically serving themselves up on a silver platter. Just don’t get caught in the middle of a Paul Harris Heel Hook Feeding Frenzy, or he may accidentally tear your heel apart as well.
And then you’re zombie food.
3. Benson Henderson
Throughout his run in the WEC and especially in the UFC, Benson Henderson always seems to find a way to win. The loss to Anthony Pettis aside, Henderson’s resiliency and ability to thrive under pressure makes him a natural leader in almost any group. He’ll make the tough choices, and he’ll give your team the motivation they need when the going gets tough.
Unless we’re in one of those movies where the zombies have superpowers (95 percent of those movies suck, by the way) and are able to leap off of things and kick people in the face, Henderson should be able to pull you and your team through any situation.
2. Dan Henderson
Much like Randy Couture (who has also been featured on this list), Dan Henderson is the perfect example of the grizzled, war-torn veteran that could lead a community, or become the No. 1 protector of the community, or even maybe both.
He’s experienced enough to know how a plan needs to go down and wise enough to keep the community in check and not at each other’s throats. And if all else fails, all it takes is one “H-Bomb” right into a zombie’s jaw to send that zombie’s head flying.
1. Jon Jones
In a zombie apocalypse, Jon Jones would literally be “The Chosen One.” He’s done so many amazing things in such a short time that it wouldn’t surprise me if it was revealed post-outbreak that Jones was somehow immune to becoming a zombie.
I see Jon Jones as a mixture of Will Smith in “I Am Legend” and Denzel Washington in “The Book of Eli”: a roaming badass that could chop you in half but seemingly can’t be hurt, and even if he’s hurt he’s completely immune to any zombie bites. Jones would probably become a softly-whispered often-rumored urban legend, but there’s no doubt that he’d survive a zombie apocalypse.
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