From Russia with Love.
Stars: Arshavin, Zenit, Wenger.
Location: Multiple, Russia and England.
Scene 179
Arshavin: It would be a dream to play for Barcelona.
Wenger: Arsenal's transfer dealings don't take place in public!
Zenit: Why?
Wenger: It's not our way of doing things.
Zenit: Ohhhhhhhh!
Wenger: By the way Arshavin is overrated.
Arshavin: It would be a dream to play for Tottenham.
Wenger: We have the quality to challenge for the title.
Fabregas: Boss, I am hurt.
Arshavin: It would be a dream to play for Arsenal.
Wenger: Arshavin is exactly what Arsenal need.
Arshavin: Gotcha!
Zenit: He is worth £20m.
Wenger: Okay! Here's £11,!
Zenit: No. It's not enough!
Arshavin: I want to move to Arsenal to prove my worth.
Wenger: Take another million, that's it!
Zenit: Is this your final offer?
Wenger: This is my final offer.
Zenit: NO. Still not enough.
Arshavin's Agent: I am frustrated!
Arshavin: Don't worry. I'll pray to god.
Wenger: I am hopeful.
Zenit: He is worth £20m.
Wenger: £12.5m + add-ons = £15m. This is my offer.
Zenit: Are you sure?
Wenger: You will not hold me to ransom.
Arshavin's Agent: See, Zenit is "barbaric".
Zenit: But he is worth £20m!
Arshavin: I'll go on strike!
Zenit: We have an agreement!
Wenger: I don't know anything about it.
Zenit: Arshavin wants more money.
Arshavin: I have nothing to do with it. The clubs will decide.
Zenit: Arshavin, you are a liar!
Wenger: I am not close to signing anyone.
Zenit: He wants money, Wenger! Money, money, money.
Wenger: OK! I'll be quiet.
(Wenger sits quiet in the corner, disappointed and visibly broken. Arshavin and Zenit approach him with stealthy feet!)
Arshavin, Zenit: You've just been PUNKED! hahahahaha! You've just been PUNKED!
Wenger: I have signed Miguel Veloso and we have the quality in our squad.
Me: What rubbish am I writing! I need a nap, honestly. Sorry I've got to leave you with this..."thing?".
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