We have all done it. One time or another, we have all fantasized what it would be like to change something we love into something better, or something we hate into something we can live with. Today, while I was watching my students take yet another standardized test, I allowed my mind to drift, and it led me to my favorite show…
I have enjoyed it since its 1999 premier on the UPN network. It was the Rock’s show, and until he retired, that is how I saw it. However, with, or without the Brahma Bull, I love SmackDown, and I enjoy it, for it not only entertains me, but it also marks the blessed end of another week of work.
So, as I shook my head at a kid who wanted to go to the restroom for the fifth time in three hours (damn I hate testing!) I thought, what would I do if I—and not Johnny Clown Shoes—wore the crown as King of SmackDown? How would I treat the divas, tag teams, and the world heavyweight title?
First of all, let me address the ladies.
I would not allow Aksana to wrestle. In fact, I would be hard pressed to let her do much of anything, for she does not impress me. However, if the fans love her, then she would be a manager/valet until her in ring skills improved. She can talk, the accent is cool, and she would add instant sex appeal to any guy she is teamed up with.
Aksana, along with Rosa, would strictly be valets/managers. The remaining six divas on my roster; AJ, Alicia Fox, Natalya, Kaitlyn, and Tamina would all be my wrestling divas. And upon her return, Layla would be my number one contender for the diva belt, and once she won it, she would bring it back home to SmackDown.
I would also continue the feud between AJ and Natalya, for that could be great, and since I am running the show, it would be great.
It would continue with a rematch which would end in a double-DQ, and carry to the backstage area, where Natalya would put AJ in the sharpshooter on the concrete floor, all the while yelling “Do you know who I am b****? I am a Hart! This is my show!”
The next week, the show would begin with AJ hunting for Natalya, and after a commercial break, she would find Nattie in the shower, kick her in the head, and put her in the sharpshooter. Of course they would be clothed, but hey…it would be women in the shower…that is still hot!
The tag team division would see Camacho and Hunico become a dangerous duo.
They would spend the whole show just beating folks down and taking their stuff. I would also allow Kidd and Gabriel to put their aerial skills to work, and face the Usos. Not these tame, watered down Uso Brothers we have had to watch get their asses kicked. No—they would be the mean, vicious team they were on the road to becoming at one time, and that hunting chant would come back to start their entrance.
I would allow Young and O’Neil to continue to grow, facing the team of Zeke Jackson and DiBiase, so we could meet Ted, again, and hopefully this time he will stay healthy.
“Boy sit down, and finish this test before I put my foot in a very uncomfortable portion of your anatomy!”…okay…now where was I…
We need a stable. I like Bill Regal, so, I am going to put him with my boy Drew.
In fact, I am also going to take Mason Ryan from Raw, and bring him into this stable. They will be called the Queen’s Hand. Why that name? Because they lay the smack down for their Queen, and when he comes back, Wade will join them.
Regal has a wealth of knowledge and ability, and would be the perfect person to help Drew get over, propel Wade into super-stardom, and help Ryan get better. For even though he is a Batista wannabe, he has the ability, and Regal would be just the guy to help him reach his fullest potential.
Now, when it comes to the world title belt…”Boy look at me sideways again, yaw ‘gon make me loose my mind up in here, up in here!” I weep for the future…
Now, back to the belt. Sheamus has it for now, but it will be a rough ride.
He will win by the hairs on his chinny-chin-chin at Extreme Rules, but D-Bryan will put a hurtin’ on him for sure. They will have a rematch the next month, but the Great White will win that too—barely. Now the Vegan Cerebral Assassin will get the gold back...after SummerSlam.
In the mean time, he will have to deal with Alberto Del Rio, who will be pissed at Bryan for interfering in his title match. Del Rio will turn face, and he and Bryan will feud into SummerSlam, and with AJ by his side, Bryan will beat the aristocrat by making him scream after a no-DQ, submission only two-out-of-three-fall match.
Next, The Great White will have to fend off my army of Regal, McIntyre, Barrett and Ryan. Now he can’t fight them alone, so he will get some help from the Big Show and Cody Rhodes.
Gasp. Rhodes turning face? Not on my show. He will still be a heel, only he will be a heel on a mission. He will agree to help Sheamus for a shot at the title, yet after winning the Money in the Bank pay-per-view for our show, he will pursue the belt after helping Sheamus win his match against Barrett at the same PPV.
This will create a triple-threat for SummerSlam which is where my fantasy ends.
Now this is my fantasy, feel free to provide your own below. Have fun, but please be creative—something WWE does sparingly.
Disclaimer From the Law Offices of Black, White and Brown: Just in case there are any parents of students he teaches, Mr. Saunders did not imagine this while teaching. In fact he was on the toilet at home, but he thought the classroom would be funnier, and carry a better odor.