Christian Cage Expected To Be Backstage at WWE Raw Tonight! (Humor)

Ryan Senior Writer IJanuary 26, 2009

You guys will never believe this.

Rumors have been going around that Christian Cage was backstage at every WWE Raw and Smackdown taping for the last two months.

Cage was supposed to debut at last December's Armageddon pay-per-view. It was apparently pushed back. He was also slated to be the man to screw over Jeff Hardy at last night's Royal Rumble. However, it did not come to fruition.

Well, guess what—I'm here to tell you that he'll be debuting tonight. Not only that, but he will reveal that he was the one who kicked Vince McMahon in the head (something about black magic and making it look like Randy Orton) last week and that he will be the one main eventing Wrestlemania XXV. 

It may seem ludicrous that someone who just came back to the company would be main eventing the biggest show in the history of the company. However, we're talking about Christian Cage here.

Oh, but get this one too—Edge will lose the strap, Christian will grow his hair out and wear see-through mesh shirts, and the two will battle the Hardyz in TLC matches for the rest of eternity! Because that's what we all want to see! I can't stop using exclamation marks!!!(!)

Just so you know, this is legit. I'm best friends with Jay and can confirm this 100 million percent. I know Cage's real name, so how could I be lying?

Oh, I don't know if you heard, but Christian will be bringing Kurt Angle with him, except plans call for Kurt to come back and then abruptly quit to start a career in mixed martial arts.

However, those are just the tentative plans for right now. I should also mention that I know Kurt too. We're all tight. And no, I'm not Rhino. (TEAM RECK!)

But seriously folks, can we just stop these types of articles about Christian Cage? Can anyone show me anything but a rumor site that confirms he's even signed with the WWE?

Until someone can and until he actually debuts, it's all speculation and it makes these "insiders" look like jackasses. All this hype reminds me of the Chris Jericho return all over again.

Enough already.