Memo to the X-Games: Don't Call Your Events a "Sport"!

Sherman L. McCleskyCorrespondent IJanuary 24, 2009

I'm sorry, but I can't help but to say as to what I think of the X Games. In order to understand my point of view, you must first understand as to what I think is sports. 

When I first saw ESPN's list of the top 100 greatest athletes of the past century, I was fine with the order until I saw Secretariat.

You're kidding me, right? A horse? You're comparing a horse to a human being, in terms of who's a better athlete? A horse is a horse, of course, of course, unless it's Mr. Ed!

Look, let me tell you what I think is going through the mind of a race horse. Here's the scenario.

A horse is about to be put into the starting gate; notice how the horses are feeling nervous, as they're entering the gate? There's a reason; they know what's going to happen, once that gate opens...

"And we're off! The rider on my back is starting to whoop me and begins to nudge me over to the left, so I go to the left, because if I don't, he's going to whoop me even harder; as we approach the first turn, I see a gap, so I run through the gap, in hopes that he won't whoop me again.

As we approach the final turn, I feel him nudging me to the outside, so I'm trying get there, when all of a sudden, he starts whooping me again; so I'd turned to the gelding, right next to me and told him, "If you don't have the balls to race, get out of the way so that I can race!"

So we're heading down the stretch and it's me and this Philly...

This beautiful, gorgeous Philly, with a pretty mane, nice hind legs and a big, round...

(slap) Aw!!! Aw!!! OK!!! OK!!! I'm running!!! I'm running!!! We're neck and neck and approaching the the finish line, dammit!!!

Pant...Pant... Did we win...? Pant...Pant... Quick, take me over to that Philly so that I can get her number. Pant...Pant... Jeez, this whooping better be worth it!"

Are you getting the point, yet? Horse racing is not a sport, it's a spectacle. A horse is not an athlete, simply because the horse is being forced to participate in this event. The horse is a slave; therefore, horse racing is not a sport.

I define sports now as "any volunteer-based competition, designed to display the best physical attributes, of any male or female human being." So, I began to do my research into other non traditional "sports," to find out if they're really a sport at all.

I'd went so "high" as to call billards a sport; it's a test of hand and eye coordination, in which one uses one ball, to knock another ball, into a pocket, using a cue stick. 

I, in turn, went so "low" as to not call "dog shows" a sport, because in the end, when you interview the dogs, as to how they'd prepared for the competition, all you're going to get is a "woof" for a comment and a demonstration of the one thing they can do, of which we can't; lick themselves.

Now, with all of this being said, I have to send some people here, some bad news, on my evaluation of both the Winter and Summer X Games. They're not sporting events; they're a celebration of stupidity.

Last night, ESPN placed as one of their top ten sports plays, a stunt that I thought was the stupidest thing I'd ever seen. a man, drives his snowmobile down a ramp and executes a double back flip, before making a crash landing.

Was is cool? Hell yeah! Was that a sport? Hell no!!!

Sports is not about trying to prove your athletic prowess, by putting yourself at risk of being killed. The ancient purpose of sporting events, is to prove your worthiness of receiving the finest counterpart for breeding. You can't breed if you're dead!!!

The very second you cross that "line", is the very second you're no longer proving your athletic attributes; you're now proving your mental attributes; that is... The lack there of.

You're no longer an athlete; you're stupid; and you know what they say about stupid people and breeding.

The X Games, in my opinion, is not a sporting event. The very idea of encouraging generations of children to drive vehicles, in numerous ways, other than a safe way, is reckless at best.

It sends a message to our children that its perfectly OK to try to take any bike or recreational vehicle, we give you, and use it to get killed, in trying to show off to your friends. That's not cool; it's not even sane. 

However, as a protector of the constitution, I won't call for its banishment; I am more than happy to give any grown individual, the constitutional right to kill themselves, in an effort to entertain the public. All I ask, of the X-Gamers, is to do me just one simple favor...

Don't call this a sport. Call it for what it is. A dangerous stunt show, for professionals only.

Give both the parents and children, a fair opportunity to understand the risks that comes with this activity, before you try to market this otherwise, incredibly dangerous, so-called "sport" as, "An activity so simple, that even a child can do it".

No, a child can't do these stunts, without risking their lives, in trying to do it.

That's my two cents.