A is for Angelo Dundee who says, "Oscar, you're blowing it."
B is for Bob Arum and his bank account.
C is for Calzhage, who should retire... Please!
D is for Don King, who needs a haircut. His bird's-nest inspired hairstyle is an all-time great.
E is for El Terrible, who says he wants a comeback... All I say is, "Why not try Sammy Ventura!"
F is for Freddie, who knows what he's talking about.
G is for the Golden Boy prospects who were matched up with part-time cable operators.
H is for Humberto Soto, who finally got what he deserves.
I is for the Italian Malignaggi, who can't knockout my four-year-old cousin Timothy.
J is for JC Jr., who fights the best, great nobody of his division, the champion of all tomato cans!
K is for Khan and his glass jaw, which again will be exposed by Barrera.
L is for Larry Merchant. Boxing needs more of Larry.
M is for Money Mayweather, who will stage a comeback later this year. Reason? Financial!
N is for Nacho, who couldn't edge out Freddie.
O is for Oscar and the search for his second farewell fight. LOL!
P is for Pacman, who will suffer a knockout loss in the local election here at the Philippines come 2010.
Q is for mi querido Juan Manuel Marquez, who whines like a baby, and is a sore loser.
R is for Ricky Hatton, who I'm sure was drunk last night.
S is for Scheaffer, who impersonates Howie Mandel, saying, "Pacquaio, deal or no deal?"
T is for Tijuana Tornado. Mosley beware!
U is for Ulyses Solis. If Pacquiao is the Mexecutioner, Solis is the Pinoycutioner (sounds bad) or Filipicutioner (sounds worse)
V is for Vic Darchinyan, who owns the biggest mouth in boxing. Apologies to Naseem Hamed and Iron Mike.
W is for the WBC, now under martial law. Sulaiman Tyranny is 33 years-old and counting!
X is for the Xecutioner, Bernard Hopkins, and his new-found fountain of youth against Pavlik. Sadly, there's no other option but to retire.
Y is for Yuriorkis Gamboa. Why? I can't think of any item for the letter "Y."
Z is for, forget about "Z," it's hard to think, you know...
Thank you for listening to my ABC.. It was pretty LMN-tary!