Breaking News: NCAA Approves College Football Playoffs Starting in 2009

Billy RayCorrespondent IJanuary 15, 2009

This just in:


The NCAA has just released a statement that says they have reached an agreement in principle to start a college football playoff for the FBS division, formerly known as Division I, starting next season.


This agreement has apparently been reached after an emergency meeting that started immediately after the BCS Title game and lasted over 168 hours straight.


All the BCS conferences were represented at the meeting.


The other non-BCS conferences were informed of the agreement prior to the press release. When a few of these conferences protested about not having a say in this proposal, they were told, “you are lucky we are even telling you.”


There have been many problems with reaching an agreement on a playoff system for the top division in football.


Among the major sticking points has been the idea that a playoff system would interfere with the student-athletes' schoolwork.


After some intense research by a team of monkeys working non-stop without banana breaks, it was discovered that all the other college football divisions already had viable playoffs that determined a champion at the end of the season.


It was also discovered that the student athletes involved in these playoffs did not all flunk out of school and resort to crime or working the graveyard drive-thru shift at a local Carl’s Jr.


Details of the new playoff system have not been released yet, but we are expecting to learn more in the press conference that is about to take place.


NCAA spokesman Forrest Gump has just stepped up to the microphone from their headquarters in Greenbow, Alabama.


Mr. Gump: “My momma always said a college football playoff was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get until you're the captain of your own shrimp boat.


“A few different options were discussed, including ideas with four, eight, and even 16 teams. Now I don’t know about all that. We have settled on a playoff that should please everybody and solve all problems.


“We have decided on a one-team playoff system. That's all I have to say about that.”


When told by members of the media that this made no sense and was a stupid idea, Mr. Gump responded by saying, “stupid is as stupid does.”


Mr. Gump then started crying and mumbling something about someone named Jenny. He then left the podium, jumped on his riding lawnmower, said “I’ve gotta find Bubba,” and drove away.


It is rumored that President-elect Barack Obama’s endorsement of a playoff system had a major impact on the agreement.


Mr. Obama has just held a press conference in support of this new playoff system.  Mr. Obama said, “Hope. Change. Hope and change. In conclusion, let me just say that all college football fans should hope for the change to my new college football playoff system that will benefit 95 percent of all Americans.”


Currrent President George W. Bush also released a statement praising the strategerie involved in the decision.


We will bring you more updates as the story unfolds.




Late breaking news


The NCAA has just issued a statement saying the playoff proposal has been shelved.


According to sources, the agreement was effectively killed when a representative from the University of Southern California came back and demanded that they be included in the one-team playoff for the title every year.


Upon hearing of this, representatives of the SEC issued a similar demand for their own conference champion.


Supporters of the University of Texas then threatened to hire a plane to fly a banner with the score of the 2008 Red River Rivalry game over the stadium every year they were not included.


Notre Dame requested they be included any year in which they managed to win at least eight games and were ranked in the top 40.


Reportedly, the University of Oklahoma and Ohio State University were thrilled with the one-team playoff proposal.




Thanks for reading another one of my Breaking News stories. I would have posted it sooner but there was another incident.


Not to go into too many details, but let’s just say I don’t know if you are familiar with loan-sharks, but the ones I know have got NO sense of humor.


I’m out on the road again and going by the name Hector Gonzales. I’ll be wearing a long black wig with a fake beard.


If you see me blowing by doing about 110 MPH in a crimson and cream '68 Camaro, wave “Hello!”


If I am being pulled over, please remember to call me Hector.


Apparently I am getting quite a few fans out there who recognize me. I seem to get the “you’re No. 1!” finger sign wherever I go.


Oh, and to the REAL Hector Gonzales: If you get a notice in the mail about a large speeding ticket fine in New Jersey, just give me a call and I will take care of it.


My phone number is 1-800-BYT-EMEE.


That is the number on all your new credit card applications.