God And Odds...A Perfect Match!
During my daily morning dosage of ESPN SportsCenter, they showed highlights of the Carolina Panthers-Arizona Cardinals playoff game played yesterday.
At the conclusion of the highlights, they showed an excerpt from the press conference held by the Cardinals. During the press conference, Kurt Warner was commenting on the team effort over the past two weeks of the playoffs when he uttered the statement: "Its exciting to be where we're at...ummmm...I give glory to God!"
The comment was not surprising coming from Kurt Warner because of his outward religious expression throughout his entire career. However, it did get me to thinking the following: Exactly what glory is he giving to God?
That question further prompted me to ask myself: "Is God truly a sports fan...and if so...why does he always hate the loser?
This aforementioned question has always baffled me throughout my years as an avid sports fan.
You've seen it before in all of sports!
A person will score a touchdown and the first thing they do is tap their chest and raise their finger to the sky...acknowledging God.
If a track and field athlete wins a race, the fist thing they do is thank God for the victory.
When a boxer obliterates an opponent with a vicious knockout, he first thanks God for allowing him to practically kill another human being in the ring.
Heck...even Notre Dame has "Touchdown Jesus" for Christ sakes!
This obsession with God and sports has driven me to my final conclusion.
GOD IS A BOOKIE RUNNING AN ILLEGAL OFF-SHORE OPERATION!
Think about it...for what other reason would God care if Tyson Gay beat Usain Bolt in a 100-meter dash?
For what other reason would God care if Mike Tyson beats Marvis Frazier senseless?
For what other reason would God care if Warner wins a playoff game for a championship that isn't even played or contested by the rest of the world?
Finally...the most obvious question of all...for what reason would God give your opponent false hope for reaching the pinnacle of their sport only to be defeated by you when they arrived at the pinnacle? In most cases, wasn't your opponent praying to the same God as you prior to the game? Did his God like you more?
Well, if we are to assume that God loves everyone, then Warner and others of his ilk would have to assume God does not hate their opponent.
If that is the case, then the only justification or benefit to God being on Kurt Warner's side instead of Jake Delhomme would be if God benefits from the victory in some wacky way.
That leads me to believe that God and the Devil have a perverse wager on all sporting events held worldwide and they both have off-shore betting parlors to escape the legal ramifications of the western world.
They bet on everything from snail races to soccer and the price of the wager is unknown!
Let's hope that the price of the wager has nothing to do with the number of souls collected by either entity.
If that were the case, then all members of the fabulous Buffalo Bills teams of the 80's (that lost four super bowls) better hope and pray that it was the Devil who was the Buffalo Bills fan instead of God.
You see.. if it were the Devil who was the fan, it would simply mean that the losing teams' souls would belong to God.
If God were actually the die-hard fan of the Bills during that time, then Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, and the remaining Bills from that era are screwed because the Devil will be there to collect their winless souls in the end!
In closing, I give a solid chest tap and point to the sky. Hopefully, by doing so, my article will surpass all articles written by other Bleacher Report authors today because of my acknowledgement of God.
However, secretly...I just hope the Devil is my fan instead of God because when this article bombs and it is time for my soul to be collected, I want it to be collected by the correct bookie.
I give all glory to the winning bookie!
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