Wrestling 2009 Revealed (Spoiler)

Daris BrownSenior Analyst IJanuary 8, 2009

There are a few people on the B/R who claim to have all the news and info on pro wrestling.

If you don't get it from them, it didn't happen. If they didn't write it, it isn't true.

But I did a little digging (actually a lot of digging) and made a few calls and I have the scoop on all the major storylines and news notes for 2009. Check it out:


Finally, The Rock Has Come Back...to the W-W-E

After being trashed by many for his lack of dedication to wrestling, The Rock makes a special appearance on Raw in Miami.

When making a run in to save family member Manu from Randy Orton and Legacy, forgetting how to properly hit the ropes, he flips over the rope and chokes himself unconscious.

Not wanting to lose face, the Rock has Orton RKO him through the announcer's table and is never seen in the WWE again.


John Cena Turns Heel

Tired of giving hugs to old ladies and kissing babies, John Cena snaps becoming the most feared heel in wrestling history.

To solidify his character, and in real life, Cena breaks Val Venis' leg. Leaving fans to cry out, "Val Venis still wrestles?"


Joey Styles Snaps... Again

Tired of having his suit soaked by the gallons of spit from the inaudible mouth of Cody Rhodes, Joey Styles snaps and punches out Rhodes.


Undertaker Retires

Wanting to make his retirement year memorable, Taker takes on everyone he's defeated at Wrestlemania in a gauntlet match at Survivor Series.

Not wanting to do the job, Triple H refuses to acknowledge the three-count. Instead he uses a sledgehammer to bust open Taker the hard way to win the match and retire the Dead Man.


Hardys and Edge & Christian Go Extreme

Eager to outdo any performance in history, the Hardys and Edge & Christian get extreme with the first-ever tables, ladders and bears match, which is located within a steel cage.

Edge comes out the sole victor when he sacrifices Christian by throwing him head-first into the mouth of a grizzly.


Sting Calls Out Vince

Not wanting his career to be incomplete, Sting challenges Vince McMahon. But before the Wrestlemania match can take place, HBK becomes enraged when Sting announces that he too is born-again an against McMahon's risque ways.

This causes Michaels to quickly take out the Stinger for stealing his thunder. This marks  the second year in a row he's ended the career of a legend.


Kennedy's NFL Debut

Upon hearing of Mr. Kennedy's unique talent, Madden makes history by making Ken Kennedy the first athlete not to play in the NFL to grace the cover of Madden.

This is a relief for former front man Peyton Manning, who realizes Kennedy's appearance is more of a reward for his hard work being injury-prone more than a curse.


My Grandma Died

Noticing that he used the "somebody killed Vince" angle more times than Zack Morris used the "my grandma's dead" line to get out of class, Vince McMahon will attempt to get mainstream attention by divorcing Linda and marrying himself.