WWE: Jim Ross & 4 More Ways to Make Wrestlemania 28 One of the Best Ever
I'm willingly treading into the "You Didn't Say That!" hot water here and, unlike Mr. Cena choosing to embrace the world of hate for ranking a WrestleMania with John Cena himself in the main event as one of the best ever, but that's the sentiment of hate I wish to change for the sake of humanity. Or the IWC. You can call me Mr. Nobility if you want.
I've been a wrestling fan for a while now. I've been around when Hornswoggle didn't have a voice so you can judge my wrestling fanaticism timeline. All those years of watching, learning and hating can validate my statement when I say—Trust me, WrestleMania 28 has one of the best cards you'll ever see.
A John Cena vs, The Rock is a sell-out in itself, as suggested by ticket sales.
Add to that Undertaker (with a Stone Cold hairstyle!), Triple H, HBK, Edge, Randy Orton main events and you have deepened the star power. You also have my personal favourite in a Punk vs. Jericho. It's like a dream come true. (A dream nurtured since July 2011)
Add to that a potential Daniel Bryan-Sheamus main event and now I'm really excited. Also remember that we'll have a celebrity match that may pan out into something awesome and create good television and that just spells success.
Add to that a Michael Cole vs Josh Matthews Headset On A Pole match and now I'm drooling.
Consider this an ominous warning to the creative—if you screw up WrestleMania 28 with a card like this, then that will indeed be the end of the world as we, you and Jericho knows it.
5. Beth Phoenix vs Kharma
On a night when an inordinate number of wrestling fans will suddenly vaporize into existence just to see The Rock or the aforementioned Cole vs. Josh Matthews match, it is of utmost important that you hide your flaws.
And for a long time now, one of WWE's biggest flaws has been the divas division. To all those casual fans who will tune in only for WrestleMania, you need to put on the facade that the divas division puts stellar matches on every PPV. That's just how the business works. That's the only way you will endure in an era of PG and bad booking combined.
Don't give them a Vickie Guerrero and Snooki match or a Battle Royal won by Santino Marella and make a dunce out of your own division. That's like Ted DiBiase Sr. stuffing notes down his own throat.
I really wouldn't mind a Natalya vs. Beth Phoenix match either. Both these match-ups have potential for becoming a talking point in women's wrestling—which I remind you sorely needs talking points.
But Natalya is fighting her inner gaseous vices for reasons only the stupid WWE Creative can explain.
So what I'm asking is a decent divas match between two of the three or four credible women wrestlers in the roster. This is easily the biggest match the current divas roster can offer, and WrestleMania deserves the biggest and the best.
Let's not forget that it'll be fought for the Divas Championship—a title so reputed that it has been held by the likes of Kelly Kelly and the Bellas.
4. The Usos vs Epico & Primo in a Tag Team TLC Match
I've fostered a longing for a Triple Threat Tag Team TLC match between Usos, Colons and Air Boom for the titles at WrestleMania for ages now. That was, of course, before Evan Bourne's heroics.
A normal TLC match sounds good too, but Triple Threat means that there'll be less lying around after going through tables and fast-paced action. I don't see a third tag team being formed in the near future, so I guess I can't have everything in life.
By resorting to the 'covering the flaws' principle voiced in the previous slide, they need to show the world that the tag team titles are relevant and still fought tooth, nail and broken bones for—a TLC match would do just that.
Maybe the third team could be the Cobra 'N' Sock Connection. Meh, just throwing out suggestions.
3. Triple Threat/Steel Cage/Hell in a Cell for World Heavyweight Championship
There is a tinge of sadness in my words, if you choose to delve deep into this slide (why would you anyway), because it clearly bemoans the lack of faith I have for the WWE Creative.
Sheamus is now en route to main-eventing a WrestleMania that is primarily veteran-powered. I'll touch a lot upon this in the next slide, so I'll just leave this slide with the excitement and action that pertains to a Triple Threat, Steel Cage, Fatal Four-Way or a Hell In A Cell match.
I don't think Randy Orton will be left out of the title picture at WM for the third year in a row. And I don't want Mark Henry to be left out. With Big Show likely to shed colossal tears because he can't play basketball as well as Shaq, that pretty much sums up all the potential title contenders we have on SmackDown.
So it's simple—involve them all. We have three one-on-one matches that are filled to the brim with hype and drama, and it's a sadly eventual scenario that this match will be overshadowed if it's just left to Bryan and Sheamus because creative would prefer glorifying The Rock and Undertaker a lot more than their future (not that it's completely wrong, but I'm of the opinion that the future deserves equal status).
So apart from the reason that such gimmick matches are usually, or always awesome, I feel such a title match for the World Heavyweight Championship at such an event would be amazing. And also because. . .
2. Promise of a Better Future
WrestleMania is the day you show to the world how well WWE really is doing, even they aren't. It is an event that'll be watched around the globe and will garner mainstream attention throughout it's life span because it is supposedly the best they can offer. The Super Bowl or the World Cup of wrestling.
The sadness in my words has intensified because it pains me that as a fan I can't trust creative to promote the stars that deserve to be promoted to the moon at such an event.
They might, but I still can't trust them to.
Which is why I feel that if Sheamus faces Randy Orton for the title, creative might suddenly undergo a common logic-defying last-minute panic attack and scribble in a Randy Orton victory at the last minute just because they think it might please the crowd more. It won't.
The fans who don't watch regularly and would only watch because it's WrestleMania, or WrestleMania with Mr. Electricity are smart enough to know that this is just a transient phase—Rock will leave for movies, Jericho will leave for Fozzy, HBK will go back hunting and Undertaker will evaporate into oblivion.
You need to convince them that there are other stars to look forward to—like a paper-recyling, girlfriend-manipulating vegan and an intense Irish warrior obsessed with lacy undies.
What will make Wrestlemania one of the best ever is the knowledge that there is hope— corny it may sound, but hope for a brighter future.
Which is why either Sheamus or Daniel Bryan need to come out on top, ergo a triple threat match because defeating Orton is much more plausible in a match where he can just lie outside and scream "YOU IDIOT!" for every botched move.
This is the event to create or establish stars. Including Brodus Clay. Anyone wants a Funkasaurus main event? A dance-off match with GrandMaster Sexay? No?
1. Jim Ross
Those who've put up with my articles and comments for a while will know that I like Michael Cole when he isn't a) screaming the same thing again and again, b) wrestling and c) trying to wrestle.
But for the world of defense I've put forward for Michael Cole, I'm not biased enough to blur my sense of judgement, or criticize anyone else's when it comes to good ol' JR.
Jim Ross is the best in the world at this and WWE needs to realize that a Cena-Rock match will happen for only 30-40 odd minutes, but the commentary stays with us for four hours. Yes, we have to put up with King and Booker for that long. We all deserve to go into the Hall of Fame for that.
Which is why it is of utmost important if you want this WM to be the best ever, then you need Mr. Jim Ross. He is a fan above anything else, sauces included, and his desire to announce another WrestleMania shows his undiluted love for the business.
When you have the best—use him.
Of course, you can fire him again by making him compete in a BBQ Sauce Match with Cole at Extreme Rules where Booker has the booth all to himself and the liberty to go all SHUCKY DUCKY.
Do whatever bullsh*t you do with JR as you do always, but give us these four golden hours of pure wrestling enjoyment.
Don't take these as impositions, take these as suggestions.
I never saw a John Cena vs. Rock match fireballing my way when Rocky expressed an interest in guest hosting, and I never saw a jiggling Funkasaurus in the behemoth named Brodus Clay. There's a reason I'm not one of creative and I've just listed those in a nutshell above.
But above and beyond everything, I'm a fan. A fan who wants to see the best wrestling show of the year actually become best for everyone involved.
Of course, there is always an unstoppable deluge of negativity waiting to be unleashed for every show WWE puts up, but let's hope to suppress that how much ever we can.
By suppressing I mean give us our Michael Cole match.
If you didn't get it by now, I'm being sarcastic about the Cole match. Knowing that I'm talking to the bunch which cripples Zack Ryder's back (woo woo woo, you know it), and then make him walk around and slap people with confidence that oozes perfect vertebrae, I'm taking no chances.
Shalaj Lawania is pretty new to Bleacher Report (and gradually getting older!) and that's about it. You can become a fan of his if you like his work or follow him on Twitter (@_Apex_Predator_) if you really can put up with his useless tweets. Annoying tweets or not, do leave a comment for this article!
Like the new article format? Send us feedback!