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Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Say Hello to Butch Davis, a Coach Who Isn't Really a Coach

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Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Say Hello to Butch Davis, a Coach Who Isn't Really a Coach
"Special assistant" Butch Davis won't need headphones.

As the Wizard of Oz said to Dorothy, the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion and Toto, "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!"

So the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have finally introduced Butch Davis, but really, pay no attention to him, he's not really a coach or a defensive coordinator or anything else that he really should be.

He's simply a "special assistant" to head coach Greg Schiano and that's left most of us scratching our heads and saying to ourselves: "Now isn't that special?"

The PR Gremlins for the Buccaneers advise us that Coach, or wait, stop that right now, errr, Special Assistant Davis, will whisper sweet nothings in Schiano's ear and cover "a wide range of football issues."

Well, that's good for starters, and while you're at it, pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

And that especially rings true for the University of North Carolina. Pay no attention to Coach, oops, sorry, pay not attention to Special Assistant Butch, he's here, but he's not really.

He's not a coach, they're not going to issue him a set of headphones or any of that cool stuff. He may not even get his own clipboard, that's reserved for "coaches." And here's another thing—no coffee for Special Assistant Davis. Coffee is for coaches and Closers and that means none of the players get any coffee either, because as we all know, none of them can close out a game, certainly.

Now when it comes to that "wide range of football issues," well the Bucs have plenty of "issues" left over from last year's run to 4-12.

Is Butch Davis really the d-coordinator?

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Here's a sampling:

1. Nobody on the defense knows how to tackle. And that's a real issue. Go ahead and whisper about that one, Butch.

2. How do you avoid getting another Gerald McCoy with the fifth pick? That's another issue. They need to draft someone, who, is it really asking too much, might actually play more than nine games in two seasons?

3. How do we discipline this ragged bunch? Yeah, go ahead and whisper something about that too, Butch.

4. Who should actually carry the title "defensive coordinator" on this team? They don't have one because, wink, wink, Butch is simply an adviser.

So there's enough on the issue front to get Butch started with the whispering in Schiano's ear.

Also, what are the rules for Butch?

Does he have a spot in the coaches' box during the games? Well, he's not a coach, is he? Does that mean he gets to sit in the owners' box with the Glazers. Maybe he can whisper in their ears, say something like "Spend money for free agents."

Does Butch get to be out on the field during OTAs and during training camp? OTAs, maybe, training camp? Well, it's hot as hell and Butch is 60 now, isn't he? Maybe he can hide out in Mark Dominik's office and draw out some defensive formations on an Etch-A-Sketch.

So there you have it. The Bucs have Butch Davis, who we guess, will be roaming somewhere in One Buc Place. He'll probably even have his own office, away from the coaching staff, because, after all, he's not a coach.

Just keep telling yourself that. He's not a coach. That way, he can still get three more $590,000 payments from Carolina starting next year. Yep, that's nice.

And when the Tar Heels bitch and moan about this, the Bucs can simply tell them:

"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!"

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