Los Angeles Lakers Fans: For Your Eyes Only

WARNING: This is for Lakers Fans only. Not responsible for anger induced blown head gaskets. Read at your own risk. 

Did you have as much fun as me enjoying the Suns lose? What a country! What a win!

This is my after the game, first of its kind, genuine, non-apologetic, Lakers thoughts. As I told my wife, "Just call me Homer."

My play of the game: Shaq hustling, (more like huffing and puffing) down the court only to see Pau Gasol dunk on a break, to give the Lakers a commanding late game lead.

This just in from NBA.com 

NBA to suspend Shaq for blow to Bell’s head.

In an highly unusual move, Stu Jackson suspended for one game newly acquired Shaquille O’Neal from the Suns for hitting his own player.

“The play was unusually clumsy and a completely unnatural basketball act.” Stu Said. “That was NO basketball move. That oger, Shraq, knocked out Raja, and it cost the Suns the game.”

Stu added, “Someone lost a lot of money on that Suns loss. And that someone is really pissed off.”

From Payback is a Biatch Dept. 

Karma caught up to Rajas' clothesline of Kobe.

His Bell was rung by the Big Karma.

Shaq played hard last night. But can the Suns keep him motivated? This secret document just came into my possesion.  

How to keep Shaq playing hard when all else fails? by Steve Kerr 

Problem: Shaq doesn’t jump anymore.

Worry: In the NBA, you have to jump to dunk unless you are 8 foot 6 inches.

Solution: Suns will encourage Shaq to leap and dunk by placing donuts on the top of rims.

Problem: Shaq not hustling down the court to play defense.

Worry: Other centers will run and score at will against Suns.

Solution: D’Antoni will yell, “Lookout Shaq, he’s got a gun, run”

Problem: Shaq’s lack of energy.
Worry: Lack of trying will lead to easy baskets and fouls
Solution: Trainers will inject Shaq with 100cc of Red Bull before each quarter.

Problem: Shaq has tendency to eat too much and get fat
Worry: By starving him with a diet, Ball Boys have been afraid Shaq might eat them as snacks before game.
Solution: Basketballs will be chocolate dipped for his enjoyment. Very filling but no real subtance.

Problem: Shaq’s ego in the way of team unity.
Worry: Shaq may become overly depressed being second fiddle to Nash, Amare, D’Antoni, and Brian Skinner in his new job as a role player, and demand a trade or a huge raise.
Solution: All players will wear new mirrored jersey’s so when Shaq looks at them, he will only see himself.