WWE Royal Rumble: 5 Reasons to Open with All-Divas Rumble Match
You heard me.
I have five, count 'em, five reasons why the 25th anniversary Royal Rumble should have a 10 to 15-minute Diva's match to open the show.
Despite (or because of) the fact that the WWE women's, sorry, "Diva's" division is pretty universally regarded as in poor shape, opening the 2012 Royal Rumble with an all-Divas Rumble-style match is a good idea.
Allow me to explain.
No, it is too much.
Allow me to sum up:
There Is No Diva Presence Scheduled for the Royal Rumble
As of writing this article, there is no Diva's match scheduled for the Royal Rumble.
No Diva's championship match. No grudge match. No pointless tag match. Nothing.
Not one minute of Diva's presence is guaranteed.
Sure, Eve might show up with Zack Ryder (if he's there at all), and maybe AJ can come back in a neck brace and look pathetic for Daniel Bryan. If the WWE decides to have a tag title match between all two current tag teams (another topic for another article), then Rosa Mendes would be there too. Maybe Beth Phoenix will reappear and kiss another Rumble entrant into losing. Wouldn't that be nice?
I know the Divas of today are pretty much overlooked and generally speaking not so great, but there needs to be something.
I know a last-second booking is always possible (and the match will probably stink), but there should be something established beforehand.
Battle Royals Are All Most of the Divas See Anyway: And Battle Royals Suck
The title may seem to contradict my desire to see what is essentially another Diva's battle royal, but there are a couple reasons why it's not.
First, Battle Royals suck because everyone starts in the ring at the same time. This makes it crowded, confusing and nothing cool can happen until most of the field is eliminated.
On the other hand, they can hide the faults of poor wrestlers, as the bad ones can quickly get eliminated, leaving the better ones to do some good.
The Rumble-style match allows a great majority of the available Divas some TV time, and gives the division as a whole about 10 times as much as it would get in a singles match, allowing for a few good spots or decent action from the more capable Divas while hiding the flaws of the others.
The Perfect Platform for Returns
Currently, the WWE is awaiting the returns of Layla El and Kharma, and the possible returns of experienced Divas like Lita have also been rumored and discussed.
There is no better venue for a surprise return than in a Rumble match. The men have had this work in their favor for years, so why not give the girls a chance?
It's the 25th Anniversary.
The 25th anniversary of the Royal Rumble is a big deal. Yet the main event is just returning to tradition with the 30-man rumble. They did 40 last year. That would have been better done this year.
Something big needs to go down this year. Sorry, but a triple threat match for the heavyweight title and a CM Punk-Dolph Ziggler tilt for the WWE title don't really qualify. Cena/Kane surely doesn't.
The first (and probably last) Diva's Rumble would qualify as something, if not big, then unique. Something to make this anniversary stand out.
What better reason is there?
No, but seriously, when are we getting a new Diva's champion? Or at least a title match?
Eve is ostensibly the No. 1 contender, but she didn't get her match, and nobody's seen Beth Phoenix on TV since I don't know when.
I don't know what they're waiting for, but this match would be a low-stress way to keep a little attention, and establish a contender for WrestleMania. (You are going to have a Diva's match at WrestleMania, right, WWE?)
Keep Beth off TV. Ignore the rest of the field. At least there'd be something to look forward to, and something to remember. Give them something to talk about.
Something that isn't a) hiding in a car, b) getting flattened or c) holding someone else's belts.
Conclusion and Fantasy Booking
So, that's why I think the Divas should get their own Rumble this year.
Would have been better in the days of Lita, Trish, Chyna, Ivory, et al, or in the days of Mickie James and Gail Kim. But it wouldn't be terrible. Better than what we usually get anyway.
It would go something like this:
Teddy Long tells the Divas about the match to get their WrestleMania ticket punched. Slots are handed out randomly. The Bellas pick theirs, and Brie is disappointed to draw the third entry. Nikki agrees to trade and we go out to the arena to see the first two entrants.
Alicia Fox and Kelly Kelly open the match.
Kelly Kelly dominates early, and Nikki comes out to the ring. No wait, that's Brie! Nikki comes out holding her head. Seems Nikki didn't get a spot and traded Brie a blank piece of paper! The Bellas scrap with each other in the ring.
Alicia gets eliminated, and the Bellas eliminate each other. (Or whichever one was legal got eliminated.)
Kaitlyn hits the ring and scraps with Kelly, then they're joined by Natalya.
Layla El makes her big return and the four divas pair off and fight.
Kelly is eliminated as AJ makes her return from injury and brawls with Kaitlyn. (Or helps her. I forget, are they friends or enemies now? I don't know because we never see them.)
Eve hits the ring and things are getting pretty crowded.
Wait, Kharma's here to take care of that. Kaitlyn, Layla El and Natalya all fall to the dominant Diva, but she is eliminated by the combined powers of Eve, AJ and the 10th entrant, Tamina.
Tamina drops AJ, eliminates Eve, then picks up the broken pieces of AJ and eliminates her.
Tamina wins, and we get a Diva's match that some people will remember!