If Tragedy Is Comedy, Golden State Fans Are Hysterical

Joel CreagerCorrespondent IJanuary 4, 2009

Do Robert Rowell and Chris Cohan expect Golden State fans to cry? Do they expect the fans to laugh? At this point, a straight face is out of the question.

Cohan and Rowell are clowning the fans in the worst way. It is like "It" had twins and they put on suits before prowling the streets of the Bay Area for children. Only children would get fooled by a pair of evil clowns.

I was watching the games with my grandma over the holidays. She has Comcast, and she wasn't fooled. I found out that my grandma is a basketball genius. Her color commentating and analysis puts Barnett and Fitzgerald to shame.

Speaking of color, my grandma pointed out something I never noticed. When are the Warriors getting new jerseys? The present color schemes make TVs wig out. The only reason I can tell what color the jerseys are is because I know. With that in mind, the Warriors could be red, orange, black, blue, or even white on any given night depending on the TV that is being used.

In my grandma's words, "They never wait for their own player to be on the other side (of the basket). Then when they throw it up there is someone there to bop it back in (complete with bopping motion)." In addition she added this nugget: "They get pulled to one side and just let them run down the middle." Not to mention, "They are always so much smaller than the other team."

The observations speak for themselves.

I have a theory; a conspiracy theory, and nothing more... Namely because the front office doesn't give even a crumb of their master plan (assuming they have one) to the fans, and the fans are starving.

The amount of emotional bickering that rages through the forums and blogs is almost too much to handle. In my search for signs of "The Truth" or even just the latest updates it can seem like banshees trying to scream in a vacuum.

As with any conspiracy theory, this one is impossible to prove.  First and foremost it is not my intention to demean the players or detract from their precious few achievements. The theory is impossible to prove for two reasons.

The first is that on any given day a teams’ opponent could be really good or really bad.  Similarly on any given day the players (in this case the Warriors) could be really good or really bad. We'll call the difference between the two reasons the "Margin of Error."

It is within that margin of error that Rowell, Nelson, and Cohan operate. I posit the following: The season has been in the tank, but by careful design.

What did the Miami Heat teach management around the league with their epic tanking?  That you'll be able to hear the moths flutter in the rafters inside the arena.

Rowell knows that if he or Nelson admits to tanking this season immediately after a 48-win season then season ticket holders (or fans in general) will think twice before shelling out their hard earned dough.

So Rowell is then faced with the challenge: How do the Warriors secure a higher position in the lottery without sacrificing ticket sales? The answer is in the margin of error.

There are two important factors that come into play here. The first is that Rowell needs to maintain the illusion that the season is not in the tank, and he needs Nelson to help him.  The second is that the Warriors need to improve their position in the lottery.

They are both accomplished by tanking only within that margin of error. The Warriors beat the Celtics, but get trashed on by the Thunder. There must be an explanation.

If the Warriors "come out and play" (Remember the ‘We Believe’ theme song?) only at home games and against playoff contenders then they are shielding themselves from the accusations of tanking. They'll pull out a few good wins, like they did against the Celtics, and they'll put on a good "show." Granted all the injuries stack the stats against the Warriors anyways, and they are still going to lose a lot of games.

Then something strange happens when the Warriors play against lottery contenders.  Nelson phones it in. The Grizzlies, the Timberwolves, and the Thunder...the list is sickening.  By losing to lottery contenders the Warriors recover from the statistical disadvantage of actually trying to win games.

Nelson and Rowell can always lean on the margin of error when the heat is on.  Sometimes their D-leaguers and diamonds in the rough are simply going to perform (you've gotta love them), but the players are on their own. Randolph found that out the hard way; as did Marcus Williams.

Nelson will be experimenting with match-ups at his leisure for the remainder of the season. The man has an agenda, and he acts on it with the finesse of a wrecking ball.

It's just a theory, and a conspiracy theory at that, but what else do Golden State fans have to go on these days, besides the front office drama? Drama that ultimately just gives the NBA a bad rap. Well, maybe I'll save that one for another time, when I'm not throwing away any credibility on a conspiracy theory.