Baseball Fun with Google Translator: Impacto Deportivo

JJ SSenior Writer IFebruary 19, 2008

Rumor-bent baseball fans have always looked to the far reaches of the internet for news on their team.

The newest trend? Spanish-language websites. However, if you aren't fluent in Spanish, you need a translator.

That's where Google Translator comes in. Now, it's just a computer program that's doing the translations, so it's not perfect.

No, it's not perfect. It's absolutely effing hilarious. Let's run down some of the better ones from Impacto Deportivo.

Bartolo Colon signs with White Sox: It opens a door; Bartolo Colon was almost signed by the team of White Sox

Apparently, the door was opened, but Colon was too fat to fit through it. What a shame. I guess his 6.50 ERA will have to a team with wider doorways. I suggest Milwaukee—I mean, Prince Fielder's already there, so the doorways have to be plus-size.

Rafael Furcal enters the final year of his contract: It warns the Dodgers Rafael Furcal said that he wants to be, but is not afraid to leave

Hmmm. Apparently, Rafael Furcal is still struggling with the Shakespearian question of "to be or not to be." I guess he won't be able to "be" in Los Angeles, so he's not afraid to leave for another team where he could "be." If that's the case, don't go to Pittsburgh.

Miguel Tejada stays mum on his inclusion in the Mitchell Report: Deaf and dumb; Miguel Tejada arrives at training camp and pulls his feet to the topic of steroids

This one's a two-parter. First, apparently Miguel Tejada is now Helen Keller, so Houston might have some problems if they expect him to start at shortstop this year. Secondly, I guess Tejada roped his feet into the whole steroid controversy, probably against their will. I mean, they're just his feet, they don't get helped THAT much by steroids.

Nelson Cruz signs one-year contract with Texas: Going after a seat; Texas signing the gardener Nelson Cruz for the 2008 campaign

Is Jon Daniels running for Congress? If he is, I don't see how a gardener helps his campaign. It'll get him some nice hedges and beautiful orchids in his backyard, but a seat in the House of Representatives? I think there's still too much hatred from the Brandon McCarthy trade for Daniels to beat whoever he'd run against.

But now, the winner:

Fransisco Liriano having visa problems stemming from DUI: All the damned alcohol; Fransisco Liriano have trouble getting your visa

Damn it. I knew I smelled booze on Liriano that day.

I was sick and desperately needed my visa, though—I mean, how else could I go to school here in the states? I didn't want to stay in the Dominican Republic anymore! What would you have done? Pedro was at a cockfight. Sammy was in his basement getting injected with bull hormones. My only choice was to call Fransisco.

If I ever make it to the states, I'm enrolling Fransisco in a 12-step program immediately.