The Chicago Bears Are Doing the 'No Playoff Shuffle'
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I remember 1985 in Chicago. I was only 7, but it couldn't have been a better time to be a Bears fan. We had Sweetness, the Black and Blues Brothers and the Junk Yard Dogs. McDonald's gave away free burgers every time the Bears won, and The Fridge became a G.I. Joe action figure.
And then came The Super Bowl Shuffle, a Grammy-nominated rap song that is one of the most enjoyable and catchy songs ever for a Chicago fan. We were on top of the world. And apparently the Bears peaked during my early years as a fan.
I'm 33 now and dealing with the 2011 Bears. They were going strong at 7-3 and then we managed to lose Jay Cutler and Matt Forte. We all figured that we still had decent playoff chances, I mean how bad could Caleb Hanie be? But then....that happened. It wasn't all Hanie's fault, it was a team effort to tank that hard. And so, I think the 2011 Bears deserve a follow-up version of The Super Bowl Shuffle entitled The No Playoff Shuffle.
We are the Bears, the bumblin' crew, messin' it all up, blowing it for you, we're so bad and not too good, ruining the season like you knew we would. We know the fans are having no fun, we tanked this season for everyone, we are in so much trouble, because now we're doing the No Playoff Shuffle!
My name is Hanie and I can't throw a pass, I spend most of the game sitting on my (whistle blows), can't read the defense, don't know the scheme, half of my passes are to the other team. It's my fault that this team's in trouble, I came to do the No Playoff Shuffle.
I'm the crappy GM known as Angelou and it's all my fault that my team (whistle blows). Can't draft receivers, can't draft a line and my first-rounders are on IR all the time. It's my fault that this team's in trouble, I came to do the No Playoff Shuffle!
We are the five men of the offensive line and we prevent sacks almost half the time. Can't stop their linebackers, can't block their line, our QB eats grass all the time. It's our fault that this team's in trouble, we came to do the No Playoff Shuffle!
My name is Martz and I can't call a play, so the defense is on the field all day. Can't convert on third, can't find the zone and you know my job is gone. It's my fault that the team's in trouble, I came to do the No Playoff Shuffle!
My name is Lovie and Hanie is our QB. If you want to blame someone, please don't blame me. I won't make decisions, won't sign a vet and I make sure our needs aren't met. It's my fault that this team's in trouble, I came to do the No Playoff Shuffle
My name is McCaskey and I'm about one hundred and five and the Bears will never win along as I'm alive. Built a spaceship stadium and ignored the fans, my team fails, all part of the plan. It's my fault that this team's in trouble, I came to do the No Playoff Shuffle.
My name is Roy and I can't catch the ball. Was a first-rounder but oh how they fall. Can't read the defense, can't run the routes and dropping passes is what I'm all about. It's my fault that this team's in trouble, I came to do the No Playoff Shuffle.
They call me Meriweather and wow did I tank, my defensive stats they truly stank. I'm only good when I cheat with the Pats, because with the Bears there won't be any stats. It's my fault that this team's in trouble, I came to do the No Playoff Shuffle.
Uh huh, Uh huh....Uh uh
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