Ah, the good ol' days.
Those days are gone, my friends. So take a picture of your pet rock, post it on Facebook and joke that it is planking, because we've reached the days of the Internet-inspired fad. It's called going viral, folks, and it's spreading through the free world on the wings of the Dougie.
The world of sports is no exception, often borrowing from these fads and occasionally even creating them. Let's take a look at the most recent fads to sweep through athletics.
So how did the three-point goggles fad get started? As I do anytime I need to learn about something hip, I traveled to the Wall Street Journal for answers:
The goggles started earlier this season in Portland as a joke. Patty Mills, a guard for the NBA's Trail Blazers, liked to tease teammate Rudy Fernandez about his poor eyesight. "I'd always give him a little bit—well, not a little bit, but a lot of grief for not being able to see," Mills said. In the first half of one particular game, Fernandez struggled from long range. Mills said he told Fernandez at halftime that he needed glasses or contact lenses—something.
After halftime, Fernandez hit a few three-pointers. He turned to Mills on the bench and brought his pointer finger and thumb together in a circle over his eyes, with his three other fingers extended upward. "It was like, 'I don't need glasses. I've got these three goggles that work perfectly,'" Mills said.
And now, it's all the rage. Or at least it was during the last college basketball season. Who knows if it will grow and fester even more this year?
In the past two years, the Big Ten added a 12th member but kept its name; the Pac-10 became the Pac-12; the Big 12 lost Texas A&M, Missouri, Nebraska and Colorado and only replaced them with TCU and West Virginia but kept its name; the SEC expanded to 14 members and the Big East (for all intents and purposes) became the Half-East, Half-West conference.
Oh, and Boise State still got shafted. Some things will never change.
Blake Griffin is funny. Brian Wilson is entertaining. Dwight Howard has his moments (namely, his Charles Barkley and Stan Van Gundy impersonations). Nyjer Morgan might be crazy. Javale McGee and Nick Young make videos and stuff. Steve Nash did, too. Guys like Paul Bissonnette and Logan Morrison are good for a chuckle on the Twitter. Shaq might have his own entertainment company before he's done. Metta World Peace is...you know what, let's not go there. Chad Ochocinco is enjoying himself.
It's cool to have a funny public persona these days. Sure, most of them aren't laugh-out-loud funny—that sort of funny is hard to pull off—but at least some of them are trying. And not taking themselves too seriously along the way.
On one hand, storming the court is fun to do when your team pulls off the upset. You're sort of drunk anyway, and everyone else is going to do it whether you want to or not.
On the other hand, it really doesn't mean anything any longer. It used to be the outpouring of emotion after an incredibly improbable upset. Now, it's just an outpouring of excited students after somewhat surprising upsets.
But college is supposed to be fun, so who cares?
I for one think that Kris Humphries, Reggie Bush, Miles Austin, Cristiano Ronaldo and Lamar Odom constitutes a fad.
And those are just the ones we know about.
If you are interested in some of the most recent examples of athletes sexting, well, feel free to check this out.
Athletes, please keep your privates private.
Listen, we shouldn't get too angry at athletes for this one. After all, anytime they write something dumb or incendiary, it's just because their account got hacked. The Twitter Hacker has a strange and cruel fascination with athletes.
By my count, Bruce Feldman, Pat Ford, Chris Sheridan, Mary Carillo and Rob Neyer are some of the big-name writers and announcers that have left the network in the past year or so.
Feldman, of course, left rather famously after issues with the Worldwide Leader stemming from the book he was writing with Mike Leach. Forde was rumored to have issues with ESPN's many conflicts of interest.
The Internet has long made ESPN a target of its ire, and justifiably so—the organization has inherent conflicts of interest as both a content provider and journalistic entity. This latest exodus of talent—and a tell-all book about the indiscretions up in Bristol—is only fuel for that fire.
We talking about jerseys. Not a game, not a game—we talkin' about jerseys, man!
I blame Phil Knight and Oregon—they of the ever-changing uniform—for this new infatuation with what a team wears. It may not be the name on the back of the jersey that matters as much as the one on the front, but now the one on the front better be stylish.
You have your GQ Hipsters like Amare Stoudemire, who incorporate certain aspects of hipster chic but generally spend far more money on clothes than the average hipster makes in a year while working at the record store.
You have Artsy Hipsters like Arian Foster, who write poetry and stuff.
You have Steve Nash Hipsters like Steve Nash, who like soccer and making goofy videos and Canada and stuff.
You have Goofball Hipsters like Brian Wilson, who have adopted the hipster beard and do things like wear spandex suits to award shows to reinforce the notion that they are an anti-establishment character with their ironic eccentricity.
And there are more, so many more.
Sports and memes were meant for one another. Think about all of the natural memes we have: We treat the Masters as though it is "A tradition unlike any other." Super Bowl Sunday has basically become a national holiday, even for people who don't like football. Sporting terminology has gone from jargon to universally understood. (Was anything "clutch" or a "slam dunk" before there were sports?)
But the memes we are interested in are the Internet-specific memes that are based in sports. I'm talking about "Playoffs?", "You play to win the game!", Cigar Guy and the Vancouver Riot Kiss (seen above), among others. Many of the things that will follow this slide are memes as well.
If you don't believe that this is a fad in sports, consider that I had absolutely no problem finding the Dougies for this slideshow a little while back.
Also, get with the times, grandpa.
Listen, I can't Dougie. I also can't Superman, Crip Walk or do the Electric Slide, and I've had issues with the Hokey Pokey in the past. What I'm trying to say is, teach me how to Dougie.
Teach me, teach me how to Dougie.
Listen, I'm tired of writing about Tebowing, you're tired of reading about it or seeing it and Tebow is tired of being Tebow. I can't verify that last part, but just work with me.
Here are some Tebowing alternatives:
Kneebowing: Kneeing someone in the face while they are Tebowing. (Note: This only works if you photograph the moment and put it on a Kneebowing website. Otherwise it is just assault. Let's get this one started, you guys.)
G-bowing: Tebowing while your homeys throw up gang signs around you.
Skibowing: Tebowing while going down a hill on skis. Don't be a wuss.
Teabowing: Tebowing while...well, I can't explain it here and if you don't get it, you're probably better off anyhow.